Chapter 320: "I love you, Kael."
ARIA
After everything... my body shutting down, the cold, the panic, the screaming inside my own head.... When the darkness swallowed me, I expected the nightmares to come clawing.
The one where I watched my father’s blood spread like ink across the floor, my heart threatening to jump out of my mouth as I watched helplessly. The one where Kael’s mouth pressed against someone else’s, his hands tender in ways they never were with me. The one where that little boy reached for me and slipped through my fingers, vanishing before I could even say his name.
But they didn’t come.
No.
Instead, there was... calm.
A kind of warmth I couldn’t describe cradled me, wrapping around me like a blanket I hadn’t felt since childhood. For the first time in forever, I felt safe, like somehow... despite all the hell swallowing me whole, things would be fine. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday.
And then I felt it.
A hand, familiar and soft, stroking through my hair. A light hum. A voice I thought I’d never hear again, whispering that everything would be fine, filling that gnawing hole inside me.
I looked up.
And my world cracked open.
It was her. My mother. I was lying across her lap like a child, the same way I used to fall asleep after long days and Olivia would already be tucked in her bed, snoring while I got to have her all to myself in our little house. Her smile was the same... gentle, endless patience in her eyes, warmth radiating off her like sunlight.
"Mom..." My voice broke into a sob. "You’re here." Tears spilled instantly, hot and desperate, and I clutched at her as though she might disappear. "I’m so tired. I don’t know how much more I can take."
She hushed me, rocking me softly, the way she always did when I had difficulty falling asleep or when I was sick with my little body shivering under the blanket. "I know, sweetheart. I know."
"I miss you so much it hurts." My chest heaved, words tumbling out between sobs. "And Dad—" My throat closed, guilt ripping me apart. "I hated him. I was cruel when he tried to make amends, and then he—he—" My face pressed against her, broken and ashamed, the words forced their way out of my throat. "I wish I could take it back. I wish I wasn’t so cruel."
Her fingers combed gently through my hair. "He understands, Aria. He always did. And he forgives you. You need to forgive yourself now. Let it all go. You’ve been too hard on yourself baby."
"I know..." I shook my head, clinging harder, my heart bleeding with everything I had buried.
And then, as though she’d plucked the thought straight from me, she whispered about the one thing I couldn’t speak aloud.
"It’s okay baby..." Her voice softened even more, if that was possible. "That child will come back to you. In time."
My breath caught, my body going still. I pulled back to look at her, my lips parting. "What do you mean?"
But before I could ask again... before she could answer, everything faded slowly.
The warmth shifted. Her lap disappeared.
And suddenly,
My eyes fluttered open.
The first thing I noticed when I stirred awake wasn’t the pain in my body, or the heaviness in my chest.
It was him.
Kael. His arms wrapped around me like iron, his breath warm against the crown of my head, his heartbeat steady beneath my cheek.
Despite the amount of times I’d woken up in his arms, I couldn’t believe it every time I did.
I shifted slowly, carefully, not wanting to wake him, and for a moment I just... stared. The comfort of his embrace was undeniable, but with it came that sharp sting of resentment. Because why was it always like this? Him holding me together while I hated myself for needing it. Him rescuing me while I wished I could stand on my own.
And yet... strangely... I didn’t feel that gnawing hollow emptiness anymore. The one that had made me feel like I was disappearing piece by piece. Something in me had softened, even just a little.
My fingers moved before I could stop them, brushing gently through his damp hair, pushing a lock away from his forehead. The memory of the shower argument crashed back—his voice sharp, mine trembling, the look in his haunting eyes like something inside him was splintering. And for the first time, I let myself admit it: I wasn’t the only one hurting.
I’d been selfish too. Extremely. Maybe that was why I hated everything more.
Because I knew. Deep down.
I’d pushed him away whenever I pleased, tested how far he’d go, and somehow he always came back. Always. And I never truly appreciated it until I thought I had already lost him.
The realization cut me open. Because it wasn’t just him I’d been punishing. It was me. It was us. All because I was too much of a coward to confess what I really felt.
I pretended. I pretended I wasn’t falling deeper for him, when in truth I’d been drowning for a long time.
I paused, watching as he shifted slightly in his sleep. His grip around me tightened, pulling me closer, like muscle memory, like breathing. And the fear returned, sharp, merciless, ripping through me, reminding me what it would mean if I laid myself bare.
But then I heard her voice. My mother’s voice, calm, steady, telling me everything would be fine.
So even as the fear stayed, I spoke anyway.
Still stroking his hair, still staring at his devastatingly handsome face, I whispered into the quiet:
"I love you, Kael."
The words trembled, fragile, but they were real. "I’ve loved you for a very long time. And I’m sorry... for so many things."
My throat burned, my eyes hot with tears I refused to let fall. I pressed my lips together to stop the sob, until the silence stretched so tight it felt like it might snap.
And then,
His lashes fluttered. His eyes opened.