Chapter 319: Lose my mind
KAEL:
The doctor was calm, maddeningly calm, as he moved around her. He checked her pulse, her pupils, his stethoscope pressing against her chest. His questions were gentle but precise, his hands practiced and steady.
Meanwhile I couldn’t stop pacing at the bedside like a madman. Every sound she made... every shift of breath, felt like a dagger in my ribs.
"She fainted in the shower," I rasped, voice raw. "She was shivering, cold, barely coherent... "
"Señor Roman," Alvarez, the doctor, interrupted gently, not unkindly. "Her condition, while serious, is not unusual. She’s stable now. You may sit."
I did, but only because my legs threatened to give out. I sat beside her, my hand closing around hers. She was so small in the bed, swallowed up by blankets.
The doctor finished his checks, straightened, and gave me that professional tone I hated. The one that felt like he was speaking across a canyon I couldn’t cross.
"She is exhibiting signs consistent with several possibilities," he explained evenly. "Anemia... likely iron deficiency, given her pallor and weakness. Hypotension, which can cause fainting spells. Severe dehydration and exhaustion are also contributing factors. And, in some cases, stress itself can trigger what we call vasovagal syncope... a fainting response to emotional strain."
Each word stabbed deeper into me. Because every single one of those conditions was something I could have prevented if I hadn’t left her. If I’d been paying attention.
Alvarez continued, "For now, I recommend rest, hydration, supplemental iron, and close monitoring. We’ll keep her under observation for several days, and if necessary, conduct further tests."
I swallowed hard. "I pulled her out of another hospital earlier. The attending doctor said the something similar. But... " My throat closed up for a second. "But it feels like it’s more. Like something’s being missed. Maybe on purpose."
The doctor studied me, then inclined his head respectfully. "That is why I suggest observation here. Let us watch her closely, Señor Roman. If there is something deeper, it will reveal itself. But at present, there is no immediate danger. What she needs most is stability. Peace."
Peace. A word I couldn’t give her, no matter how badly I wanted to.
I nodded stiffly. "Fine. Do what you must."
He packed his instruments, gave me a final look, and slipped out quietly. The silence he left behind was suffocating.
I turned back to her. Her breathing was soft now, steadier, though she didn’t stir. Her lashes lay against her cheeks, her lips parted slightly. She looked fragile in a way that terrified me.
My hand traced her knuckles, careful not to wake her. My chest hurt remembering her words before she collapsed... her voice breaking, her body trembling, confessing she regretted everything. The kiss. The night. Her pushing me away.
I wanted to hear it again. Selfishly, cruelly, I wanted her to tell me again. That she regretted Sylas. That I was the one she wanted, not him.
Instead, I stayed there like a beggar at her bedside, whispering her name into the dark and hating myself for the argument that pushed her this far.
I didn’t move. I wouldn’t. Not until she opened her eyes again.
....
The hours dragged like chains. The room was too quiet except for the steady rise and fall of her chest. I sat there, anchored in that fragile rhythm, terrified it would falter if I dared blink too long.
Niko came in once, silent as a shadow. His eyes softened when they landed on Aria, then flicked to me. "Boss, I can stay. Keep watch. You should... "
"No." The word was sharp, immediate. Too sharp. I lowered my voice, fingers tightening over hers. "Go get some rest yourself, Niko."
He hesitated, guilt tugging at his features. He looked at me like he wanted to say something, but he knew better. Finally, with a reluctant nod, he left us alone again.
And it was just me and her. Like always.
I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, watching her. Every breath she took expanded something raw in my chest, like the air in my own lungs depended on hers. When had it become like this? When had this stubborn, infuriating woman become the only way I knew how to breathe?
It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
I thought of every time she pushed me and I wouldn’t stop crawling back like a starved soul, every cruel word I spit when my own jealousy made me blind. I thought of how she looked at me the day I ended our contract... those wide amber eyes that didn’t fight back, just... broke. And I’d let it happen. I’d told myself it was better that way, that I was freeing her, but what I really did was lie to myself.
Over and over again.
Now here she was, lying pale and small in my bed, because I couldn’t protect her from the weight of it all. Because I had failed her.
I couldn’t even last two day here without crawling back to her just to hear her breathe.
I pressed the heel of my hand into my eyes, but it didn’t stop the flood in my head... memories of her laughter, the sharp bite of her comebacks, the way her lips trembled when she tried to be brave. God, how did everything feel so good with her until it didn’t? Until I ruined it?
My gaze dropped back to her. She stirred faintly, a whisper of movement, and my chest squeezed like a fist. I reached out, brushed a damp strand of hair from her face.
"You make me lose my mind, Aria... and God, I never want it back." I murmured, my voice barely audible in the stillness. "But without you, I don’t even know how to breathe anymore."
The exhaustion I’d been holding back for days finally came for me. My body felt heavy, my head fogged. Still, I couldn’t force myself to leave her side.
So I stretched out beside her carefully, pulling the blanket over us both. My arm slid around her waist, holding her to me like if I let go, she’d vanish into the dark.
And even as sleep dragged me under, my grip on her never loosened.