Chapter 293: July 30th pt 2
"Hey," she said softly, trying to smile as she neared. Her voice cracked. "Sorry I’m late."
I looked at the cake, then at her.
"What happened?" I asked.
She blinked, slow. "Nothing."
A lie.
Her voice cracked like old porcelain. She forced a smile so faint it barely qualified as one.
I didn’t move. "You sure?"
"I’m fine," she said again. Quick this time, too practiced.
I frowned. "Erin."
She avoided my eyes. "Can we just... go? Please? Take me to him."
I didn’t budge. "You’re late."
"I know... "
"What happened?"
She inhaled like she was gearing up for another lie, opened her mouth, then shut it again. Her lashes fluttered as she looked down at the cake box in her hands. Her shoulders slumped.
"I was... caught up with stuff," she tried.
"That’s not even a good lie."
She exhaled sharply, like I’d knocked the wind out of her with the truth.
"I just... " she started, then stopped, shaking her head. "Let’s see Ivan first. Please. I’ll explain everything after."
I studied her face for a second longer, quiet, unmoving. Her voice wavered, barely holding itself together, and maybe it was the look in her eyes... the look of someone who’d been trying to cry quietly for hours but failing... that made me take the hit and nod.
"Fine," I muttered. "Let’s go."
I led the way across the field. The cemetery was quiet, only the wind shifting through trees and the far-off hum of a car engine. The grass was soft beneath our steps. The air carried that faint sting of damp stone and earth, the smell of grief that never quite left.
She walked beside me in silence, dragging her feet a little. I caught her glancing at me once or twice, maybe wondering if I’d press her again.
But I didn’t.
...
Ivan T. Grayson.
The letters on the stone were engraved with military neatness, polished to a soulless shine. Below that, the government-issued inscription:
"For service and valor – gone but never forgotten."
But he was forgotten. At least by the country he gave himself to.
Not by me. Not by the girl standing beside me now.
I cleared my throat, unsure what the fuck to say. "Uh... "
I felt stupid. My voice cracked somewhere halfway through.
He already knew about her... way before I ever did. But still... He never got to meet her in the flesh, and now here she was...
Erin stepped closer. She was holding the cake box carefully in her hands like it was a goddamn offering.
"I brought it," she whispered, more to herself than anyone. "The red velvet one you said was your favorite, remember? You never actually tasted mine... but I followed the recipe exactly."
She knelt slowly and placed the box beside the headstone. Her fingers shook as she lit the single candle in the middle.
I clenched the bouquet tighter in my grip, the stems crunching in my palm as I dropped it against the grave. The one meant for Ivan. The one I always bought. Erin looked over and smiled faintly. "It’s beautiful."
Her smile died as quickly as it came. She stepped back and stood still. "You should be here. You should’ve made it to your birthday."
When the candle blew out, the air felt like it held its breath too.
Then Erin started talking again. And I just... listened.
"I’m sorry," she said. "I feel like I shouldn’t have been born. You got stuck with the monster and I got the mom. I had the better life. And I knew it. I knew it every time I asked her why she left you. Why she didn’t come back for you. And she never gave me a good enough answer."
Her voice broke. She turned away slightly, hand over her mouth like she was trying to push the pain back in.
"I’m sorry she failed you. I’m sorry I did. I wish I had met you earlier. I wish I could’ve given you a hug. Told you that I loved you. I really do."
She was crying now.
And all I could see was him. The way he’d joke about it all so easily. About being strong, about getting out.
But the night he told me... about the abuse. About the first time it happened when he was only a kid...
I blinked hard. I couldn’t go there again. Not now.
So I reached out and placed my hand gently on Erin’s shoulder. And she turned, fell into my chest, her sobs muffled into my shirt.
We stayed like that until the cake started to sweat under the box and the sky dimmed even more.
Erin wiped her face with the sleeves of her cardigan as I started the engine. The silence wrapped itself around us like static.
"I’m asking again," I said gently. "What happened?"
She didn’t lie this time.
Didn’t even try.
"Remember my boyfriend?" She feels exhaled. "I found a group chat," she said. "... he and his friends were talking about me. I don’t even know how to describe it. He called me ’easy.’ Said I was convenient. That I was just there because I didn’t ask for too much."
I didn’t realize I was gripping the wheel until I heard the leather creak under my fingers.
"We’ve been together since high school," she said. "I moved here with him. For college. For... us. And he never even liked me."
Her voice was small. Hollow.
And all I could do was sit there, heart bleeding out in silence for the second time that day.
The car was silent except for the hum of the engine and the way Erin kept playing with the hem of her sleeve. I could see her hands trembling.
"What’s his name?" I asked again, low.
She shook her head immediately, jaw tensing. "No."
I glanced over, eyes narrowing. "I just want to talk to him."
"You don’t talk, instead," she said quietly. "You would probably do something crazy."
That stung. Not because she was wrong. But because she said it like she knew me.
She didn’t... not really. Not yet.
"I don’t want revenge," she added. "I just want to forget him. I need to move on."
I gripped the wheel tighter, flexing my fingers once before letting out a breath. "You’re sure?"
She nodded. "Let him rot in peace with whatever skeletons he’s hiding."
I didn’t push further. But I didn’t drop it either.
Because I knew she was trying to be strong. And I knew someone like that guy didn’t deserve to walk around with his dignity intact. Not after what he did to her.
And if she wasn’t going to give me the name... I’d find it myself.
"You don’t look fine either," she murmured, her voice more tired than anything else.
I didn’t respond.
"You’re barely holding yourself together, Kael."
"I’m fine," I lied. She didn’t buy it.
She tilted her head. "Let’s go drink. Just one. For Ivan."
"I don’t... "
"Don’t say you don’t want to. I know you don’t. But I don’t want to sit in silence anymore, pretending I’m okay. Just... one drink."
I looked at her then. Really looked.
She wasn’t asking for a drink.
She was asking me not to leave her alone in this moment.
"Alright," I said, turning the wheel. "There’s a place not far from here."
As I drove, I pulled out my phone at a red light and fired off a text to Niko.
: Find out everything you can about Erin’s ex. Discreetly.
: I’m heading to The Crossbone with her. Stay close, just in case.
Niko replied instantly, as always.
: Copy sir. I’ll be parked two buildings down.
I pocketed the phone just as we rolled into the gravel lot outside The Crossbone, a dim little dive bar tucked between a pawn shop and a bakery.
The neon on the flickering sign buzzed above our heads as we stepped inside. The kind of place where the lighting was warm and low, and the air smelled like alcohol and something burnt.
It wasn’t glamorous, but it was quiet.
Safe.
Erin slid into a booth by the window while I went to get us drinks.
And even as I waited by the bar, I kept thinking about how hollow her voice had sounded earlier. About how much she looked like she was just pretending to breathe.
....
I could tell Erin was already slipping when her second drink disappeared in one gulp.
She giggled too easily. Talked too loud. And the way her glass trembled slightly in her hand, it wasn’t just the alcohol. It was everything she’d bottled up cracking through. I tried to stop her, took her glass gently, asked her to slow down. But she only shot me a look with that forced, watery grin and said, "Relax, Colonel. It’s one night."
I didn’t correct her.
Didn’t remind her I hadn’t worn that rank in a while.
She reminded me too much of Ivan.
The way she said I’m fine like it was a language she was fluent in. The way she was falling apart without making a sound.
And it made me feel like shit that I couldn’t do more, just like it always had with him.
I sipped my drink slowly, watching the amber swirl. I wasn’t planning to get drunk tonight. Not today. Not after visiting Ivan. I owed him that much, to stay clear-headed. Steady. In control.
But then Erin leaned over and asked me softly,
"So... who’s the woman next to your heart? After Ivan? You mentioned her before and I’ve been curious."