Chapter 54: Statues, Sibling rivalry and utter chaos
Morning came bright and loud in Li Village. Roosters crowed, dogs barked, and someone was already shouting about "the sacred chicken."
Li Ming opened his eyes, rubbed his face, and immediately regretted being alive. The noise outside was too much. He stumbled to the door, still half-asleep, and froze.
The entire village was in the square... building statues.
One was a huge rock carving of him holding a chicken by the leg. Another showed him with a glowing halo, blessing a pig. And the third was an exaggerated version of him splitting a mountain, except the mountain looked suspiciously like a pile of buns.
"What in the heavens..." Li Ming whispered.
The villagers noticed him and cheered. "Our hero is awake!"
Li Ming waved his hands frantically. "Stop! You don’t need to build statues of me!"
"Of course we do!" a man shouted. "Future generations must know of your legendary battle with the chicken!"
Li Ming’s face turned pale. "It wasn’t a legendary battle! I tripped!"
But no one cared. They kept hammering, chiseling, and painting. A group of kids even started practicing chicken-fighting poses.
Before Li Ming could faint from embarrassment, a small but terrifying voice spoke.
"Big Brother."
He turned around slowly. His little sister, Li Mei, stood there with her wooden stick, grinning like a demon.
"Let’s spar. Right now."
Li Ming nearly cried. "Li Mei, I just woke up—"
The villagers overheard and began chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"
Within seconds, Li Ming was dragged into the middle of the square. His mother clapped happily, his father sharpened the hoe again, and the elder prepared a commentary.
Li Ming sighed. "Why is my life like this..."
---
The fight began.
Li Mei charged first, swinging her stick like a hero in a bedtime story. "Prepare yourself, Big Brother!"
Li Ming dodged left and right, holding his hands up. "Wait! You can’t just attack me with no warning!"
"You’re supposed to be a genius! React faster!" she yelled, aiming for his head.
"Mother! She’s trying to kill me!" Li Ming shouted.
"Don’t exaggerate," his mother called back. "She’s just trying to cripple you a little."
The villagers roared with laughter.
Li Ming ducked another swing and grabbed a broom from a bystander. "Fine! If it’s war you want, it’s war you’ll get!"
Now the square looked like a legendary duel—except instead of swords, they were using a broom and a stick.
Li Mei twirled her stick with dramatic flair. "Heavenly Sister Strike!"
She swung.
Li Ming blocked with the broom. "Desperate Brother Defense!"
They clashed. Dust flew. Dogs barked. Chickens scattered. Someone in the crowd even fainted from excitement.
But then... crack!
Li Ming’s broom snapped in half.
The crowd gasped.
Li Ming stared at the broken broom, then at his sister, then at the heavens. "...Why does this always happen to me?"
Li Mei pointed her stick at his chest, triumphant. "Admit defeat, Big Brother!"
The villagers shouted, "Our future prodigy is the sister!"
Li Ming’s face darkened. "No way. I am not losing to a child with a stick again!"
With a dramatic roar, he picked up a random cabbage from the ground and threw it.
It hit Li Mei square in the face.
The square went silent.
Then the villagers exploded with laughter.
"Did he just use a cabbage attack?!"
"The cabbage style! Truly a lost art!"
Li Mei wiped cabbage leaves off her head, her eyes blazing. "Big Brother... you’re dead."
She launched herself at him. They rolled across the dirt, punching, kicking, and yelling while the villagers clapped like it was the best entertainment of the century.
In the end, both of them were covered in dust, vegetables, and chicken feathers. Neither won.
But in the eyes of the villagers? It was the greatest battle they had ever seen.
---
Later, back home, Li Ming lay face-first on the bed. His whole body ached.
His father walked in and patted his back. "I’m proud of you, son."
"...For what? I lost to a child."
"No," his father said seriously. "You discovered the cabbage technique. Our family finally has a legacy."
Li Ming groaned into the pillow. "I hate this village..."
From the other room, Li Mei shouted, "Rematch tomorrow!"
He screamed into the pillow louder.
---
Bonus Bit – The Village Elder’s Record
That night, the elder sat by candlelight, writing in the "Great Records of Li Village."
"On this glorious day, our hero Li Ming displayed his unmatched cabbage technique, striking fear into all who witnessed it. Truly, the heavens favor our village."
He set down his brush proudly.
By morning, copies of the "Cabbage Battle Record" had already spread across nearby villages.
Li Ming would never live it down.
To be continued...