Jenna collapsed on top of me, exhausted after our third go of it for the evening. Timing our rendezvous between her responsibilities for Niel's store was a challenge, but we were usually able to meet at least once a day. My room was quiet, save for our heavy breathing and the crackling of my hearth.
I closed my eyes, and Jenna started kissing along my neck, caressing my chest and hips, slowly, carving a path lower to my core, coaxing me into another round. I lay on the bed, allowing her to enjoy me. She was a rather affectionate woman who liked to pamper me with kisses and soft caresses after sex. Being practically worshipped by her touches was rather addicting and certainly inflated my ego. I gasped loudly, back arching as she finally reached her destination.
~
We sat around my strange metal dining table, eating a rather pleasant meal. I cooked, of course, a combination of roasted swine, potatoes, vegetables, and some fine wine. I even managed to teach her some small amount of table manners, though she still ate like a country bumpkin. It was endearing in a way. In fact, the last several days were probably the most relaxing I had experienced in my entire life, save for the few months I spent with Darion and Beth.
I had a book open on the table, doing some leisure reading as I took smaller bites of roasted pork.
"What you readin'?" Jenna asked.
"Some old Compendium of magical creatures," I answered, taking a delicate bite of roasted carrots.
Jenna giggled, "Didn't take you to be the kind to believe in such things."
"Dragons, we know, are real. Why not fairies, unicorns, and frumpkins? Most large magical beasts were long hunted to extinction centuries ago. Basalisks, cocatrices, and hydra all have a presence in Kelian history, and sitting in front of you is a Magus."
"I guess that makes sense. Which one is your favorite?" Jenna asked. "I always like stories about mermaids," she mumbled to herself.
I spent a moment musing, then answered. "The dragon, I suppose; A maw large enough to swallow a horse whole, fire that could melt even stone. Or the phoenix, a bird of flame unending and eternal. They say that a single flap of its wings can burn down entire forests."
Jenna picked up a pork rib, tore a large chunk of meat off with it, and barely took more than ten bites before swallowing and asking, "Why those two?"
Staring up at my ceiling, I pondered, "Perhaps it's just the freedom of it. Being a flying creature of fiery destruction seemed to be the ultimate representation of agency."
With a laugh, Jenna downed the last of her wine. "Should have known you'd have a funny answer."
"And what would you be?"I asked.
"One of those dryads, I think."
"Why,"
Jenna shrugged, "Don't they live in that magic forest. Seems better than these damned walls. I've always hated this city."
I nodded, "On that we can agree. When I was a child, I used to roam the forest. The winds, the sound of leaves, and the massive trees reaching into the sky, like massive leafy fingers. Always brought me comfort."
"Really, I was always scared of bandits, wolves, and such to roam 'round in the woods."
"The unknown is always terrifying. But when..."
"What, you're workin' for the baroness now?" she asked, sounding indignant.
"No, not currently, though she reached out through Derek some time ago."
"So, you're willin' to work for her?"
'That wasn't a question. It was an accusation.'
"This displeases you?"
"Do you know how many people starve cause 'o her damned taxes? They take everythin', barely leavin' enough for us to feed ourselves. One in three died in my village every winter."
'Well, isn't this a quandary? I do recall her father's distaste for the baroness. It shouldn't surprise me that Jenna shares the same opinion. This could be a contention between us. Let's probe and see.'
"Regardless, it's the baroness. I can't just deny her, and besides, there is the promise of great profit. Even then, what's the difference between her and Derek? They're both reprehensible in their own ways."
'I enjoy your touch, Jenna, but if you continue with this nonsense, I'll have to be rid of you.'
Jenna raised her voice a bit louder, "Derek and the rest are 'er fault. They take and take and take 'cause she wants to line 'er pockets. I saw 'er carriage once, you know; damn thing's gilded. You know how many people could feed."
I released a breath, "My refusal will not change anything. In fact, it would only make the situation worse. These are the baroness's lands. I can handle the refusal, but what of the rest of the people in my territory?"
She pursed her lips and stared at me, "Are you acceptin' cause you care 'bout the people or 'cause you want that reward?"
"Why does it matter? The result is the same." I stated the obvious.
Taking her request was the correct option to further my goal of stabilizing the territory and learning more magic. There was always a risk, but I was willing to take it. Few things are more dangerous than offending a noble's fragile ego.
"That just means you care too much 'bout the reward," she said, her voice filled with judgment.
'I enjoy you, Jenna, but this conversation is of little interest to me.'
"The only thing that matters is results. Whether or not I care about the reward doesn't change the outcome. Intent without the ability to see it expressed in the material world is largely useless."
"I heard more 'bout the raid in Kent's territory." She said coldly.
"And?"
"You care ‘bout what they did to those innocent people?"
'Jenna had a soft heart in the end. In truth, I could play the role she wanted from me. Throw up a guise of sadness and regret. Lament on my desire to change the world for the better, yet circumstance causes me to stay my hand. Am I really willing to put in that work to keep her in my bed?'
I decided to give a small amount of truth, in the end, while I enjoyed her body. She and everyone else in the city were little more than stepping stones on my path to power. And her use was limited.
"Quite a few people were murdered and abused, women included. Can't say I feel nothing, but intervening would run counter to my goals."
Jenna's expression didn't change. "Could you have?"
I considered what would happen. Not a massive fallout, Junam wasn't exactly a high-ranking lieutenant, but why should that hinder my goals for something as simple as vestigial empathy?
"I suppose I could have. "
Jenna smiled and laughed, though it didn't have any humor, it was more despair really, "Yet you did nothin'...Why"
Then she shook her head and answered for herself, "'Cause doin' nothin' was easier to get yer goals."
'Well, now she sees a bit beneath the mask, what is her reaction? As expected, apprehension.'
"You enjoy the safety, stability, and profit from my actions, do you not? That is how change occurs through power and influence. No matter how much you pray or lament to the goddess, unless someone with power chooses to make things better. Nothing will change."
Jenna nodded along as my words took root.
'Ah, good. Perhaps with a new understanding, we could continue our relationship.'
Then she looked up at me with hope and eagerness. "Why don't you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Make things better. You could make the water barrels for everyone. So many people need 'elp. I bet you could kick Derek to the curb and make life so much better for everyone. Food, water, shelter once..." She genuinely looked like she believed her words.
'You erred here, Myr. You enjoyed her presence too much. You were too generous with gifts to curry favor. Not everyone is like you. Some of course would eventually start thinking you should do more. Spread safety and prosperity to others. Jenna is the first, but do you really think there won't be more? It would have been better to keep them hungry for scraps over a long period of time. This is a lesson you should remember. Never be too generous.'
"No," I said firmly, cutting off her inane rambling. "It would take considerable time. Time I would rather spend in research and study."
Her excited demeanor deflated, before another idea seemed to spark in her eyes. "Can you teach others Magic?"
Time slowed for a moment, halting at her question. Under no circumstance would I teach her magic. I want minions to serve my purposes, not a competitor.
'Surian, it seems you were correct. Proximity to power deludes people into thinking they should wield it.'
Unfortunately for her, I was a selfish person. I want the magic all to myself. No one else should have it but me, and me alone.
I stared into Jenna's brown eyes, hope. How long had she been waiting to ask that question?
'I was you once, Jenna. And I murdered nobility to get what I want. I will not allow myself to fall the same way. When did her desire for magic start? Is she as hungry for power as I am? Or am I just projecting? Believing the worst in others because of my own moral failures. Either way, this relationship ends now, if it even was one.'
I tapped into the flame that burned within, letting it consume everything. The affection I had for Jenna burned to cinders, and I maliciously stomped out the ashes.
'This was always a distraction in the end. If I ever needed that itch scratched, there was always Silvia.'
Slowly, I stripped away the positive affection I felt for Jenna: Sera, the fiction, the guise. And the true master took control.
"Leave," I commanded, not as Sera, but as Myr.
Jenna looked as if I had slapped her. Granted, my cold tone and unfeeling eyes would give anyone pause. But for her, who had never seen anything beyond the performance that was Sera, it was shocking.
"What? Why? I just..." Her surprise gave way to confusion.
"Magic, hm. How long were you waiting to ask? You are a woman searching for a husband, no. It's about time you focus on that instead of our dalliances. And as for magic, it's something you're born with, something you lack. Rid yourself of such childish imagining." My voice carried not a hint of emotion or inflection.
I watched how she reacted to my words; each one landed like a dagger. Jenna looked at me as if I was someone else, as if she couldn't reconcile the woman standing to the woman she had bedded, not half an hour ago. Her mind whirled as she tried to understand what was happening, and then, with a widening of her eyes, she reached some conclusion.
"Sera, I don't care 'bout the magic. I just want to help people. What we have is special." Jenna seemed to plead.
'Wait, did she believe that I assumed she was bedding me to get access to my magic? As nihilistic as I am, Jenna simply isn't the type to be so manipulative. If that was the case, she is the greatest actress of all time, and I bow to her superiority. Either way, this was a perfect excuse to end this relationship and firmly paint myself as the aggrieved party. It's not like anyone else knows about us, but this would result in fewer questions.'
Jenna's eyes were moist, practically begging me to believe her sincerity, and I did. But the person she held affection for was at best a fiction.
I smiled and said sarcastically, "Everyone sees me as a resource to use. Derek, Diane, it's not surprising, really. I am rather useful. But I expected it to be different with you. It shows what a fool I am in the end."
I stood, turned to face my hearth, and said, "Leave Jenna, I want to be alone."
"I'm sorry, Sera, believe me. I never thought like that." Through tears.
I could feel the sadness and sincerity in her words, but I wouldn't allow it to move me. It was foolish to let this go on for this long. After a minute of me not responding, Jenna stood and left.
Staring at the hearth, I contemplated my own feelings. Like with Beth, Darion Yarah, and Hewitt, I rejected genuine affection. A part of me wanted to stop her. But I was learning magic, and magic required sacrifice.
'Anier, are you there? It seems that at every turn, you place an obstacle. Every time it pulls at my heart, trying to halt my progress with the paralytic that was love and happiness. Again, I feel pain within as I rejected it. Seems I can never rid myself of this accursed weakness. Who am I kidding? You're not here; I just want someone to blame. Perhaps that's why people invented demons, to explain all the wrong in the world. '
I laughed without humor at my own stupid weakness.
'Still, it haunts me, but I will move forward, only forward. Burn it all away, Myr, take everything and leave nothing.'
With my will reforged in a new fire, I stared up at the ceiling. "After this deal with the baroness, I'll give it a month, then leave this barony completely. No doubt whatever I received would require significant experimentation. "
I looked over to the stand holding my full armor and smiled.
~
From all the information I could collect, there was no treachery afoot. Diane found no changes in the guards, no odd patrols, nothing beyond what would seem to be the truth. The Baroness was personally meeting me.
Outside, the Kingfisher was an expensive-looking carriage pulled by massive white horses. Everyone with sense was giving it a wide berth. Two guards in brilliant plate armor stood out front, looking exceptionally deadly.
I was dressed in my full armor, and in my satchels were all my emergency supplies, everything I would need if I needed to flee at this very moment. I was taking every precaution possible.
"Anything strange outside, and you send the signal. We regroup in my territory. Stay here," I said to my crew. Both were sporting similar plate. They nodded, and I exited the alley.
In my heavy black cloak, I walked towards the entrance. The instructions were simple. I give my name, and they let me in. Inside, should be the Baroness waiting for me.
Both guards tensed at my approach. One held out a hand, "State your business."
"Sera to the Baroness. " I stated.
"Let me see your face," another commanded.
I pulled down my hood, and both nodded, allowing me to pass.
It wasn't hard to find the baroness since the restaurant was empty, the tables cleared, save for one in the center.
She was sitting, demurely sipping a glass of dark red wine. For some reason, it reminded me of blood.
Rennah wasn't tall, rather short actually. While she was in her middle years, her face still had the vitality of youth. Her red hair was braided in complex patterns, and her red dress was cut rather scandalously, showing more cleavage and legs than would be appropriate.
The face that smiled, as I approached, was even more unsettling. Mostly because it didn't match the rumors. She had large blue eyes, a small nose, and a wide mouth. Kind and loving were the words that entered my mind as I examined her. The tales of her debauchery, murders, and corruption were numerous and unending. Yet she smiled with such sweet innocence that I almost didn't believe it.
It was a masterful performance, I realized. Meant to pull people in and hide the monster she was beneath.
'If nothing else, this will be entertaining. I wonder which of us is the better actress.'
"Greetings, magus Sera," she said, her voice as delicate and sweet as birdsong.
'Let's begin, Baroness.'