Chapter 9: Grief & Guilt
The air drained from Bella’s lungs. She looked at her phone and that’s when she realized she’d gotten several missed calls from Rachel the night before.
Immediately, her knees buckled, and she sank against the wall, her vision blurring as hot tears streamed down her face. The weight of the night before crashed into her all at once—the dress clinging to her skin, the desperate choices she had made.
And yet, none of it mattered anymore.
She had done the unthinkable to save her mother. And still... she was too late. If only she’d done it the night before and hadn’t wasted so much time thinking about it, then her mother would’ve gotten the surgery and wouldn’t have had to die.
Jake stood frozen in the doorway of the suite, watching her collapse against the wall. The sharp sound of her sobs echoed through the silent corridor, raw enough to pierce even his carefully constructed detachment.
He wasn’t a stranger to women crying—he’d seen tears before, manipulative or shallow, often a tool of persuasion. But this was different. This was the sound of someone breaking apart. Just like the way she’d been that day.
He took a step forward, his voice low. "Chloe, what’s wrong? What happened? Why are you..."
But she shook her head violently, pressing a trembling hand to her mouth as if to silence the grief tearing out of her. Then, before he could reach her, she pushed herself off the wall and stumbled down the hall, phone clutched in her hand.
"Wait—"
Jake’s voice fell into the emptiness she left behind. He moved as though to follow, but stopped. Something told him she wouldn’t accept his presence now.
Not when she had someone else she needed to reach. He had seen it in her eyes—a desperate need to hold onto family, to something familiar before grief consumed her whole.
Still, the image of her broken form stayed with him, gnawing at the edges of his thoughts. What happened? What pain could cut her so deep that even money couldn’t touch it?
For the first time in a long time, Jake felt unsettled. Not because he didn’t have answers—but because he wanted them immediately.
He’d just get dressed and have his friend run a background check on her so he could go find her before leaving Zeden.
Once the cab Bella had stopped got to the hospital, she rushed into the hospital, her legs carrying her on pure instinct. She found Rachel slumped against the cold wall outside their mother’s room, her face blotched red, tears streaking her cheeks.
The sight shattered Bella further.
"Rachel," she whispered, her own voice hoarse.
Her sister looked up, eyes swollen, and immediately collapsed into Bella’s arms. They held each other in silence, their cries blending, the hallway filling with their grief. No words could soften the finality of it—the room behind them that would never again hold their mother’s voice, her smile, her warmth.
While Rachel was crying because they’d lost their mother, Bella was crying for regret, guilt and anger.
Regret for doing all she did in vain. Guilt for not doing it when she was supposed to and anger for enjoying the sex while her mother was having her last breath.
She needed time to herself but she knew her sister needed her. They were now the only ones remaining. They were each other’s one and only now.
Later that night, Bella brought Rachel home. Their mother’s absence weighed on the small house like a storm cloud, each familiar corner suddenly hollow.
Rachel cried until exhaustion pulled her under, falling asleep with her head against Bella’s shoulder. Bella eased her onto the bed and pulled the blanket over her, her own tears threatening to fall again but held back—if only for Rachel’s sake.
When the room was finally quiet, Bella slipped into the living room and pulled out her phone. Her hands trembled as she scrolled through her contacts before pressing Chloe’s name.
It only rang once before Chloe answered, her voice hopeful. "Bella? I’ve been trying to reach you. How are you? Did the surgery happen? How’s Mom now?"
Bella closed her eyes, the words catching in her throat. "Chloe... she’s gone."
There was silence on the other end—then the sharp intake of breath, followed by a choked, "What? No... no, Bella. She can’t be. Tell me you’re lying."
"I wish I was," Bella whispered, her voice breaking. "I tried. I really did. But it wasn’t enough. I was too late. I had wasted too much time thinking about my decision. If only I’d gone ahead with it...."
Chloe’s sobs broke through the line, raw and disbelieving. "Oh my God! Bella, don’t do that. It wasn’t easy on you at all."
"It wasn’t easy but I still had to do it," Bella whispered. "If I was, I would’ve just gone ahead to do it earlier. What’s the essence of selling my virginity if I was going to lose my mom? I know I was able to save the house but right now, I regret it. I regret not doing this earlier, Chloe," she cried.
For a long while, neither spoke, only the sounds of Bella’s grief filling Chloe’s ear, mirroring her own. And as Bella sat in the dim silence of her living room, her body still aching from choices she hadn’t wanted to make, the truth weighed down on her with unbearable clarity.
She had sacrificed everything. And still, she had lost the one person she’d been fighting for.
The house was unnervingly silent, the kind of silence that seemed to stretch into the walls, into their bones. Bella sat curled on the couch, phone still pressed against her ear, Chloe’s voice breaking softly through the line.
"So what will you do now? With the money, I mean?" Chloe asked, her voice fragile, like she was afraid the question itself might shatter her friend.
Bella stared at the floor, her hand trembling in her lap. The words came slowly, each one heavy. "I’ll... I’ll use part of it to pay for Mom’s burial. She deserves that much. Then I’ll get the house back. The rest..." Her voice cracked, but she pushed forward. "The rest, I’ll give to charity. Maybe it’ll mean something then. Maybe... maybe it won’t feel so dirty."
On the other end, Chloe was silent for a long moment before whispering, "Bella... don’t punish yourself like this. You did everything you could. No one—no one could have carried that weight better than you."
Tears spilled down Bella’s face as she pressed a hand over her mouth, trying not to let the sobs escape. "But it wasn’t enough, Chloe. I gave up everything. I thought if I just... let go of myself, she’d live. And still..." She broke off, her shoulders shaking.
"Listen to me," Chloe said firmly now, her voice raw but strong. "You are not dirty. You are not ruined. You are my best friend, and you are the bravest person I know. Don’t let her death take more from you than it already has."
Bella swallowed hard, trying to breathe past the ache in her chest. She opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, she heard movement behind her.
Rachel stood in the doorway, her face pale, her eyes red-rimmed from crying. She’d tried to stay quiet after overhearing Bella but then she just couldn’t.
"Bella..." Her voice was soft, trembling. "Is it true? Did you... did you really sell your virginity for Mom?"
Bella’s heart stopped. For a moment, she couldn’t breathe. She lowered the phone from her ear, Chloe’s faint voice still calling her name, and turned slowly toward her sister.
"Rachel... how long have you been there?" Bella whispered. Her throat felt like it was closing.
"Doesn’t matter. Did you?" she asked again, and Bella wiped the tears off her face.
"It doesn’t matter now."
But Rachel shook her head violently, tears spilling down her cheeks. "Of course it matters! You—" She pressed a hand to her chest, choking back a sob. "You gave up the one thing you always said you’d never compromise. And still... she died." Her voice broke completely, shattering into sobs. "I wish I hadn’t pushed you too hard. Because now... now you’ve lost too, Bella. You lost yourself."
She had not known this had been so hard on Bella, yet she’d been asking too much, pushing her into that reckless decision. This was all her fault. Not even their mom’s or Bella’s. If was all hers.
Bella’s own tears poured freely now as she crossed the room and gathered Rachel into her arms, holding her tightly even as her sister tried to resist.
"Don’t say that, Rach. Don’t you dare blame yourself. You just wanted mom to be okay. She fought harder than anyone. If only—" Bella’s voice trembled, thick with grief. "If only I had had the money when the doctors asked me to pay, none of this would have mattered. She’d still be here. It’s not your fault or mom’s. I was foolish enough not to see the scum Ethan was and even more stupid not to do what I had to do when I should have. Don’t carry."
Rachel sobbed against her, her small body trembling in Bella’s arms. After a long moment, she finally clutched Bella back, her fingers digging into her sister’s shoulders.
"It’s not your fault either," Rachel whispered hoarsely. "You can’t blame yourself forever. You tried... Bella, you tried harder than anyone could. Please don’t hate yourself for this."
Bella closed her eyes, pressing her lips against her sister’s hair, her chest aching with the weight of it all. Though both sisters were united in the same crushing grief, and even though it threatened to break them apart, in that moment, it also held them together.