Lu Wuming didn't know what was wrong with him. He was afraid of his own appearance, and even more afraid that Liu Buli would find out.
Because even with all the things Liu Buli had said, the shadows left by two lifetimes couldn't be easily dispelled. In the deepest part of his heart, he still felt like a monster.
A monster's body could be reassembled after being destroyed.
A monster's body could change its form.
Lu Wuming curled himself into a ball, holding the flatbread in his hands, and gnawed at it bite by bite.
But he didn't know that the more he acted like this, the more it seemed like he was trying to hide something.
The flatbread in his hands was deformed by his own grip. Liu Buli, glancing back inadvertently, noticed his abnormality.
"Wuming? What's wrong?"
A perfectly normal question, but to Lu Wuming, it sounded like thunder exploding in his heart. He trembled violently, instinctively shifted closer to Liu Buli, and then shook his head vigorously, saying, "Shizun, I, I'm fine..."
As he spoke, he fumbled the flatbread in his hands. It fell to the ground, and he hastily picked it up and stuffed it back into his mouth.
Liu Buli saw all his actions. In the firelight, he also saw the blush on the young man's cheeks spread all the way to his ears.
Frowning slightly, Liu Buli reached out and touched the boy's forehead.
It was different from what he expected; the young man's forehead was cool, not much different from the temperature of his own palm.
His frown deepened. Liu Buli spoke again, "Wuming, if you feel unwell, you must tell Shizun. If you don't say anything, Shizun won't know what to do, and won't you continue to suffer?"
Lu Wuming hunched his shoulders and didn't answer.
Even if he suffered, it didn't matter. He only wished that Liu Buli wouldn't think he was a monster.
But Liu Buli didn't understand his thoughts at all. He resolutely stayed by his side, watching him and waiting for him to open up.
They remained in a stalemate for a while, but eventually, Lu Wuming broke down. He slowly relaxed his posture, his face flushed, tears welling up in his eyes. He sniffled and said to Liu Buli with a sob, "Shizun... I'm sorry, I might... really be a monster..."
With just one look, Liu Buli immediately understood what was happening.
He couldn't help but chuckle, shaking his head and saying, "Wuming, in a couple of days, Shizun will buy you some more books. Read them, and you'll understand that this is very normal."
Lu Wuming blinked.
He didn't quite understand what Liu Buli was saying. However, he understood the word "normal," so it wasn't his fault?
His anxiety and fear instantly lessened. Lu Wuming opened his mouth and asked timidly, "I'm not strange?"
"Yes, I get like this too," Liu Buli said. "When you encounter something, don't always blame yourself, don't be afraid. Shizun will teach you."
As Liu Buli spoke, he moved closer to Lu Wuming.
Although the male god was a male god, insufficient nutrition was still useless.
Liu Buli shook his head inwardly, sighing.
...
After a long while.
Liu Buli smiled slightly and said to Lu Wuming, "See, Shizun didn't lie to you, did he? This kind of thing is very easy to solve. Once you learn it, you can do it yourself."
Lu Wuming was stunned. "Shizun won't help me?"
"Of course not," Liu Buli said. "Wuming, think about it, I have many disciples. I can't help everyone, can I?"
Lu Wuming thought of that scene and immediately felt a wave of disgust and anger.
This was his light, how could he be like this to others?
He didn't realize the madness surging in his eyes. His fingers clenched into fists at his sides. After a moment of silence, Lu Wuming asked softly, "Shizun, has this happened before?"
If Shizun said yes, he would ask who that person was and then kill him.
Lu Wuming was prepared.
But he didn't expect Liu Buli to laugh instead, reaching out and tapping his head. Liu Buli said, "Of course not. When I bring the books back, you'll understand if you read them more. These things should be done with someone you like."
He paused after speaking. Seemingly feeling that it wasn't rigorous enough, he added, "But don't misunderstand one thing. The 'like' I'm talking about is not the kind of liking you have for Shizun. It's a deeper kind. You don't understand now, but you will when you grow up."
Lu Wuming blinked.
He truly didn't understand.
Because his liking for Shizun had already reached its extreme.
He couldn't figure out what could be stronger than this.