Chapter 151 Vampire Express

To be honest, Hao Ren felt he had a pretty broad imagination. Since the advent of vampires and postal services on Earth, probably no vampire had ever thought of stuffing their bats into express parcels…

He and Vivian discussed the details and quickly finalized the process: stuff the bats into express parcels and, with the help of humanity’s super-convenient postal service, send them all over Europe and Asia. The recipient was unimportant, as it was a cinch for the data terminal to search for place names anywhere on this planet. If that didn’t work, the terminal could always try to hack into the express delivery system… Once the bat parcels arrived at their destination, no one would sign for them, so the summoned creatures would have to figure out how to break out and find people themselves. Of course, Vivian would try to fill in the recipient's name with those of her "old friends," but it was hard to say how many parcels would be delivered directly to them, since decades had passed, and even if those hermits hadn't moved, they were unlikely to still be using their old contact information.

The point was to get the bats a ride on an express delivery service.

These bat parcels, of course, needed to be disguised and preferably packaged. Fortunately, they quickly found suitable materials: Hao Ren found a large pile of cardboard boxes and wide-mouthed glass jars in the corner of the basement warehouse, left over from Lily's endless consumption of snacks: various canned goods and chocolates. They said canines couldn't eat chocolate, but Lily, being a spirit, was obviously indiscriminate. The snack packaging she'd accumulated in the few months she'd been here startled Hao Ren. He was also curious as to why these things were piled up in the small warehouse next to Vivian's: "Why do you keep these things? Didn't you throw them away when you took out the trash?"

Vivian nodded as a matter of course. "I keep them to sell as scrap. They'll add up to almost ten yuan, enough for two pounds of eggs."

Hao Ren was stunned, thinking that this vampire girl had really gotten used to a poor life. Nowadays, there weren't many people like her who would collect months' worth of junk and wait to sell it as scrap. But it was clear that even so, Vivian couldn't save any money: any money she got her hands on would be lost if she didn't spend it quickly…

Looking at this pitiful pauper beside him, Hao Ren couldn't help but make a heartfelt man's promise: "Don't worry, I'll take good care of you."

Vivian was immediately moved. "Then I'll cook for you for the rest of my life!"

Hao Ren: "..." That was a little too easy!

The two of them carried the pile of bottles, jars, and cardboard boxes to Vivian's table and began to seal the small bats. The wide-mouthed canning jars were very useful, and the bats wouldn't feel crowded inside. Hao Ren held up a canning jar and stared at the little bat inside, eye to eye. The latter's shiny black eyes stared straight at him, making him want to find something to talk about: "Speaking of which, will it suffocate if we seal it up like this?"

"No, my bats are physiologically 'dead' to begin with," Vivian waved her hand. "You can treat them like corpse specimens and mess with them as you please."

Hao Ren shook the canning jar. "Uh...it feels kind of pitiful to seal it inside. Look, it keeps staring at me."

The little bat in the jar awkwardly turned its head away, and Vivian's voice came from the side: "I'm the one staring at you. I'm just curious what it feels like to see the world through a glass jar..."

Hao Ren then realized that these bats were all Vivian's clones. Putting them in jars was just giving Vivian a strange perspective; there was nothing pitiful about it at all. These behaviors, which only heteromorphs were used to, were easily overlooked by normal people.

A group of bats used up most of the glass jars. These canning jars were put to a better use than selling scrap. Lily's voracious appetite had finally produced a positive effect. However, when sealing the jars, Hao Ren suddenly remembered a problem: "Wait, will these things pass security? Especially the living things. It'll be troublesome to send them by international express."

Vivian had never used anything so "expensive" before, so she hadn't thought of this: "What do we do?"

Hao Ren frowned and thought for a moment, then suddenly clapped his hands: "Didn't you say they're all 'dead'? Let's disguise them as specimens and send them out as handicrafts..."

Vivian thought this was feasible, so she went to the warehouse to find more cardboard and wire. After asking what bat specimens should look like, she had the little bats lying on their backs on the cardboard. These summoned creatures had no breath or heartbeat and could completely imitate dead objects, so they really looked like specimens.

Hao Ren was very satisfied. "That's perfect. We can write 'handicrafts' directly when we send the parcels."

Vivian looked at the little bats lying on their backs, fixed to the paper, and suddenly turned her head away, her face red: "This pose is so embarrassing..."

Hao Ren: "..."

The worldview of human-like monsters was really hard to understand.

"But will these things be okay?" Hao Ren thought about it and was still a little worried. "Especially since we're sending them abroad. Even if humans can't find out, will demon hunters monitor this channel?"

"Well, there is that risk, but I've applied aura cancellation and energy transfer effects to every bottle. Unless a demon hunter is lucky enough to open the parcel and see what's inside, it won't be exposed."

Hao Ren was relieved, and then he and Vivian carried two big boxes of bottles and jars back to the living room. Becky was waiting upstairs, eager to go shopping and couldn't wait any longer. She teleported over almost instantly when she saw them: "When do we... Oh, what did you guys make?"

"Let's go to the express company first and send these things out," Hao Ren put a box of things on the coffee table and then pushed "Gun" (滚) away, who was curiously approaching. "By the way, Hilda, are you coming?"

Hilda was sitting on the sofa in a daze, and slowly shook her head when she heard this: "No, I don't need anything."

"Going out? To buy things?" Vivian noticed that a large group of people were in the living room, all dressed up to go on a shopping spree. Hao Ren nodded to her: "Yeah, you're coming too. It's time to buy you something too."

Vivian didn't know what Hao Ren was planning, and seeing that he didn't want to say, she just nodded slightly: "Thanks in advance."

The vampire girl was no longer as distant as she had been when she first moved in. She wouldn't try to be strong and refuse Hao Ren's kindness, because she knew that even if she tried, she had no money...

In the end, except for Hilda, who continued to be in a daze at home, and Doudou, who couldn't go out, Hao Ren and his large group of abnormal tenants all went out noisily. Izhaks and Lily, who were the strongest, volunteered to carry the two big boxes in the front. Hao Ren muttered to himself thoughtfully behind them: "I suddenly remembered that we should at least have a car—we're a force to be reckoned with, after all. I'm even learning how to fly a spaceship. Do we have to take the bus every time we go out?"

Space teleportation was useful, but the dizziness it caused was unpleasant, and teleporting around densely populated cities was easy to cause trouble, so Hao Ren and his group were used to normal means of transportation as long as they weren't going far.

Nangong Wuyue thought for a moment: "It's really convenient to have a car, but who can drive?"

Hao Ren patted his chest and volunteered: "I can almost fly a spaceship!"

"Which one is on the right, the gas pedal or the brake?"

Hao Ren: "..."

"So don't show off if you're not a professional," Nangong Wuyue curled her lips. "I learned to drive a long time ago, but...internal combustion engine cars had only been around for a few years back then. You can imagine my driving skills."

Hao Ren did the math and was shocked to find that Nangong Wuyue could drive internal combustion engine cars from around 1900. If she dared to drive on the road now, it wouldn't just be a road menace—she'd be a road executioner with extra to spare!

Looking around, he found that none of the people around him could drive: Izhaks and Becky were out of the question, Nangong Wuyue was a road executioner whose license had expired a hundred years ago, Lily's husky personality would definitely not be a good driver, and Vivian was out of the question: a private car was a dream to her, and she barely had enough money to take the bus...

In the end, Hao Ren poked the magical data terminal: "Can the organization solve this short-distance transportation problem? Preferably with self-driving..."

"Can you stop pretending? If you want to take advantage, just say so," the data terminal buzzed in Hao Ren's pocket. "But this machine can try to apply for it for you. It just so happens that Inspector Raven gave you a mission to monitor Earth's anomalies last time. That's a reason."

Now Hao Ren could look forward to what his salary would be next month.