Chapter 280: Photo/memories
"You’re staring," she said after a while, pausing in front of the massive glass wall of the jellyfish tank.
They floated behind her, slow and glowing.
"Was just thinking," I muttered.
"About Ivan?"
I nodded.
She sat down on the bench in front of the glass and patted the space next to her. "I think he really wanted to bring you here."
I stayed standing. Arms folded.
"He used to say you never went anywhere fun," she added. "That you were always working. That your brain needed a vacation."
I looked at the jellyfish. Thought about how they moved like they were weightless. Mindless. Free.
My chest ached.
"Ivan thought too much," I said finally.
She smiled sadly. "Yeah. So do you."
We stayed there in silence for a while.
Then she reached into her bag and pulled out a little foil-wrapped pack.
She tossed it to me.
Chocolate-covered pretzels.
I didn’t even like sweets.
And yet when Ivan was alive he somehow made it his life mission to get me to change my mind.
I stared down at it.
Laughed once. Quietly. Bitterly.
"You’re lucky I’m too tired to argue," I muttered.
Her eyes softened. "You’re here. That’s enough."
We moved past the jellyfish tank eventually.
I thought that was the end of the chaos.
Then Erin dragged me... literally dragged me... toward something called the Otter Cove. Said it like it was sacred. Said Ivan would’ve loved this part the most.
I didn’t get it.
Not until we were inside.
They were... small. Fast. Slippery. And weirdly joyful.
Swimming in circles. Rolling over each other. Chasing their own goddamn tails.
And I stood there, arms crossed, watching these overgrown water rodents like an idiot.
"Ivan always said otters are proof that God had a soft side," Erin said beside me, grinning.
"He also said grilled cheese was a divine intervention," I replied dryly.
She laughed. "Exactly."
We stood there for a bit. Quiet. Watching them.
Then I said, "There was this one mission. Middle of the desert. No food. No rest. We hadn’t slept in two days. And Ivan... he found this stray dog. Just sitting there like it was guarding a fucking shrine."
Erin turned to look at me, eyes curious.
"I told him to leave it. We didn’t have time. But he..." I exhaled. "He carried it for ten miles. Wouldn’t even let anyone else touch it."
"Did it make it?" she asked softly.
I nodded. "He sent it to a shelter. Gave them half his pay for the year."
Erin’s breath caught a little.
"He didn’t talk about that," she said. "He just told me stories about you mostly. Small things. Like how you hated sharing blankets but always ended up doing it anyway. Or how you once got into a fistfight because someone took the last of his cigarettes."
I smirked faintly. "He started that one. I just finished it."
Her gaze dropped to her hands, fiddling with the strap of her bag.
"He wrote about you all the time," she murmured. "In his letters. Said you were the only constant he ever had. I didn’t need to ask him to know how much he really loved you. I could tell from the way he wrote about you. And he was excited to introduce us when I graduated."
That one hit me in the ribs.
I looked back at the otters. Pretended they were interesting enough to keep my own emotions at bay.
But Aria’s face came back anyway. It always did.
Her laugh. Her voice. The way she looked at me like she was trying to understand a language I didn’t even know I was speaking.
It was like every memory of Ivan carried a thread that led back to her.
To the hospital bed. Her hands on my skin. Her eyes full of anger and desire and everything in between.
To the park. The way she forced me to live even when I didn’t know how anymore.
And now?
Now she was probably trying to forget me.
Erin touched my arm, pulling me out of the spiral.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
I didn’t answer right away.
"I love Ivan and he’s irreplaceable but..." My voice was raw when I finally said, "There’s someone else now and she..." I choked on my words. "I don’t know what we are anymore."
Erin didn’t speak. She just stood with me. Quiet. Gentle.
And I hated that she saw me like this, fraying around the edges. Still bleeding in the places I hadn’t even looked at in years.
"You miss her," she said softly, like she wasn’t even sure if she should.
I didn’t respond.
Because yes would’ve been too small of a word.
"Come on," Erin said, tugging on my sleeve like a child high on cotton candy. "Just one picture."
I blinked.
"What?"
She pointed to the corner of the exit hallway where a photo booth sat... half-lit, retro-styled, and entirely too cheerful for someone like me. A ridiculous cartoon otter framed the top, grinning like it knew every secret I was trying to bury.
"No," I said.
"Yes," she insisted.
I shook my head. "Absolutely not."
Erin folded her arms. "Ivan had this stupid dream. Said he’d drag you into one of these after your first mission back home."
I glanced at her. "He never did."
"Because you were an asshole and dodged him every time," she deadpanned.
Fair.
I looked at the booth again. And thought about her.
One photo. One second. One memory I wasn’t sure I had the strength to make.
The last time I took a photo in one of those... Aria had her face pressed to mine, making her cute little faces. And I felt like I was the luckiest man in the world.
Now the idea of sitting in that tight little booth again made my skin crawl.
But I knew Erin wanted it.
So I stared at the booth like it might bite me.
Fuck.
Without a word, I stepped toward the booth.
Erin gasped like she’d won a fucking lottery and jumped in before I could change my mind.
The moment I sat beside her, the space felt too small. Too full of ghosts.
"Smile," she said.
"I’m already regretting this."
The flash popped.