Chapter 120: Chapter 120: Request
Jax sat next to Zela, both of them still with trembling hands after the collapse of the resurrection. The silence between them was heavy with unspoken words, shared guilt, and pain.
"Zela..." Jax said quietly. "I’m sorry... I’m so sorry for bringing her back. I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t have forced her to live through that torment."
Zela lowered her head, tears falling onto her trembling hands. "I... I too..." she whispered. "The first time... when she died... I didn’t stop her. I was the one who let her go to find you. If I had done something... if I had been there... maybe... maybe she wouldn’t have suffered like that."
Jax gently took her arm, trying to offer some comfort even though he felt broken himself. "No... you can’t blame yourself for that. I... I fail too. I didn’t take care of her enough. If I had been more attentive, if I had been stronger... she wouldn’t have had to go through any of this."
Zela lifted her gaze, her wet eyes meeting his. "But she was my sister... Jax. I should have protected her. And I didn’t."
"I loved her too much to let her suffer..." Jax whispered, a lump in his throat. "But in the end, I couldn’t protect her like she deserved. It’s my fault. All her agony... it’s because of me."
Zela rested her head on his shoulder, softly sobbing. "It hurts so much..." she murmured. "It hurts that she left like this, and that we couldn’t save her."
Jax wrapped his arms around her shoulders carefully, trying to share the pain and ease some of their mutual guilt. "I know... I know, Zela. I feel the same. But now... now we have to move forward, even if it hurts. She wouldn’t want us to destroy ourselves with guilt."
Zela nodded weakly, resting her forehead against his chest as her heart raced. "I promise I’ll try... for her."
"And I will too," Jax said, gritting his teeth. "For her... and for you. I won’t let her sacrifice be in vain."
Zela took a deep breath, wiping her tears before looking at Jax with eyes full of sadness and frustration.
"Jax... there’s something... something Lira told me before... before we went..." she said with a trembling voice, almost a whisper. "I think you knew she would tell me everything, because I’m her sister..."
Jax closed his eyes, anticipating what he was about to hear. Deep down, he knew Lira would reveal everything to Zela. He had sensed it from the first time, in her most vulnerable moments.
"When you resurrected her the first time..." Zela continued, "...she told me what happened afterward... she told me that... that you made love to her. After everything she suffered, after that trauma..."
Jax clenched his fists, his heart pounding, unable to look at Zela. Guilt and shame filled him in a way he couldn’t control.
"I..." he said, his voice hoarse, "...it wasn’t something I wanted to happen like that. I wanted to comfort her... protect her... after everything she went through with the Lizardkins..." He swallowed, his voice breaking. "...I knew she had been abused, that they hurt her, and... she trusted me."
Zela looked at him, her eyes wet, a mix of pain and understanding. "I know, Jax... I know. Lira always knew what she was doing. She told me everything because she trusted me... and because she knew it was you. She knew... even after everything, you would never let anything else happen to her."
Jax finally lifted his gaze, his eyes full of regret and infinite sorrow. "Zela... all of this is my fault... not just for bringing her back... but for what happened afterward, for not fully protecting her." He closed his eyes briefly, trying to hold back. "There’s no excuse for all the pain I feel I caused her, and maybe still feel."
Zela took a deep breath, placing a hand on his arm. "Jax... she loved you, and she trusted you. It’s not your fault. You did it because you loved her... because you wanted to protect her, even from eternity itself."
Jax lowered his head, letting out a heavy sigh, feeling only slightly relieved by Zela’s words, but fully aware that his guilt would never completely disappear.
"I know..." he whispered. "...but still... I can’t stop feeling like I betrayed her."
Zela hugged him gently, letting the pain flow out of her, a pain so deep that only those who have lost a sibling could truly understand.
They spent a few minutes in silence, holding each other. Zela clung to Jax as if letting go would mean losing something irreplaceable, while he held her carefully, trying to convey comfort with every small gesture.
When they finally separated, Zela stayed for a moment, looking at him, breathing heavily, and then, almost without thinking, stole a kiss from him. It was brief, shy, but full of the emotion she had been holding back all this time.
"No... I don’t feel well right now," she murmured, barely moving her lips away. "But... can I find you another time? To... give you my first time." Her voice was just a whisper, filled with nervousness and shyness.
Jax smiled softly, taking her face in his hands and looking at her tenderly.
"Yes..." he replied, his voice warm and full of promise. "When the time comes, I’ll be here. I’ll always be here for you."
Zela lowered her gaze, blushing, then smiled faintly, trusting those words. For the first time in a long while, she felt a bit of peace.
"I know all of this is hard, but I’ll always be here for you. I don’t want you to go through this alone, please don’t shut yourself away. You can come to me whenever you want. It doesn’t have to be for sex or anything else, maybe just to talk, we can go for a walk, whatever you need, I’m here for you..."
Zela didn’t respond, just nodded as she walked toward her room, her feelings a mess after losing her sister, but finally, she had the courage to confess a part of what she felt to Jax, even if only halfway.
Ever since her sister had told her she had been with Jax, she had always fantasized about being with him too. Even for a while, she had felt jealous of her sister, maybe she had suffered, but in the end, she got the big prize, right?
Now, seeing her leave in such a tragic way, she didn’t quite know what to think anymore.