Feng Shihao held Ling Yao tightly, hot tears falling onto her shoulder like a wronged child.
She was so small, yet she could support him, preventing him from collapsing.
Today, he had exposed all his shame before her.
How would she see him?
Perhaps he had been too tormented lately, his emotions easily stirred. He should have kept these shameful matters buried within him.
He also knew that the court still harbored hidden dangers. The person who told him he was Prince An's son was trying to sow discord between their siblings.
He truly wanted to keep it buried.
Why couldn't he hold back today!
For a long, long time, he dared not look up, dared not let go, unsure of what to do next.
"Eldest Imperial Brother, you will always be my Eldest Imperial Brother, someone I respect," Ling Yao said slowly. "What happened before is in the past. Your enemies and Father Emperor are all dead. Please, don't dwell on it anymore. Your health will improve. We are still young. The past is just a small part of life. Forget it to grasp the present and the future."
"If you wish to leave the capital, I won't stop you. But the position of King of Jiangbei will always be yours. When you tire of wandering, remember to come home."
"Eldest Imperial Brother, I've never resented you. I'm grateful you brought me back from Dong Lin."
"You are not the son of a traitor. You are a hero who has greatly contributed to Jingguo. Anyone who dares to suspect you is my enemy. If the Emperor questions you, then he is unfit to be ruler."
A muffled sob escaped Feng Shihao's throat.
He closed his eyes, tears soaking Ling Yao's shoulder.
"Imperial Sister..."
"Imperial Brother, enduring it alone must be very difficult. You could have told me sooner. We are family, aren't we?"
Family...
He had family.
As a child, when he huddled on a cold bed listening to the thunder, he had yearned for family.
When he ate leftovers and was starving, he had yearned for family.
When the only wet nurse who cared for him died, her body wrapped in a mat with only her feet exposed as she was carried away, he had yearned for family.
When palace maids toyed with him, and he hid in terror, he had yearned...
When that eunuch hung him up and abused him, he had yearned...
But later, when Bai Xi from Father Emperor's side dragged that eunuch away and beat him to death, then looked at him indifferently before leaving, he no longer yearned.
Because he didn't need it anymore.
But now, Imperial Sister told him they were family.
Why did his heart still beat for those words, and beat so ardently...
Feng Shihao finally released Ling Yao. His narrow phoenix eyes drooped, his thin lips pressed together, appearing to have calmed his emotions.
"Imperial Sister, I will not leave the capital. General Shenwu asked me to keep an eye on the capital when he left. It's a pity I failed his trust. With the plague and your abduction, I couldn't help. I'm sorry for causing you more suffering."
Ling Yao shook her head, "Eldest Imperial Brother, don't force yourself."
"It's not forcing myself. I may not be in court, but I can still help you at Huashang Tower. The Emperor likely knows I am Prince An's son. The person hiding in the shadows wants nothing more than to divide us. It's a pity I haven't found out who it is yet. You must still be very careful."
"Mm, I know, Eldest Imperial Brother. What about you and Linglong?"
Feng Shihao's expression became unnatural. He had been frantic and nonsensical earlier, and now speaking of this was truly difficult to articulate.
But Imperial Sister was looking at him with wide eyes, completely oblivious to the impropriety.
He really didn't know if she was too naive or too thick-skinned.
"Imperial Brother currently cannot..."
These days, he dared not return to his residence. He hid alone at Huashang Tower. He wanted to try and start a new life and secretly consulted many doctors.
However, every doctor said he was not ill.
Even Qing He said so.
But he just couldn't!
Ever since that incident with Qu Linglong, he felt disgusted to the point of nausea.
When he was finally allowed to establish his own residence and leave the palace, he was unfortunately plotted against. It was the former eunuch's partner, who, with a death wish, intended to humiliate and kill him.
If Qu Linglong hadn't saved him while that woman went out to find someone...
But ultimately, it stirred up all his nightmares, driving him to the brink of madness.
Since then, he had...
It was right for Qu Linglong to leave. If one day she found a man who treated her well, he would present a divorce letter to fulfill her wishes.
He had wronged her. He was unworthy. She deserved a better man.
Ling Yao couldn't understand. If Eldest Imperial Brother couldn't, then how did Linglong's child come about? Was it after that he became unable?
"Eldest Imperial Brother, back in Dong Lin, Linglong was abducted by a ruffian and taken to his residence. Fortunately, Du Ling rescued her, saving her from humiliation. At the time, she mistook Du Ling for you. She was confused and only called out your name. She truly loved you very much."
"What did you say? She was saved by Du Ling?"
But she and her maidservant didn't say that!
Why did she say that?
Feng Shihao frantically recalled the events of that night.
He understood.
She had completely given up on him and wanted to leave, wanting him to give her a divorce letter!
Thinking of this, Feng Shihao's heart ached even more.
"Yes, she was saved by Du Ling and was foolish for a few days. At that time, she must have longed for you to be by her side. And Nan Xing, his eyes really resemble yours. Can you bear to let her be fatherless?"
He hadn't looked closely at the child. Things had been strained between him and Qu Linglong, and they hadn't gotten along well...
The more Feng Shihao thought about it, the more he felt like a scoundrel. He had ruined Qu Linglong's life, yet he had blamed her, let her run off to Dong Lin alone, treated her that way upon her return, and almost caused harm to the child.
It was right for her to hate him.
But what should he do?
He was somewhat reluctant to let go, yet afraid he couldn't give her a future.
"Imperial Brother, you've seen a doctor, haven't you? What did the doctor say?"
"The doctors all said there was no problem."
Feng Shihao blurted out, then immediately realized what Ling Yao was asking and said regretfully, "Imperial Sister, Imperial Brother will not discuss this with you. If there's nothing else, Imperial Brother will take his leave."
Feng Shihao hurried towards the palace doors.
How could Ling Yao let him go? She quickly caught up, "Eldest Imperial Brother, is it a psychological problem? Do you want me to hypnotize you?"
As Feng Shihao stepped out of the hall, he almost bumped into someone around the corner.
Qu Linglong saw Feng Shihao abruptly and paused, then politely bowed, "Greetings, Your Highness."
"Eldest Imperial Brother, don't be afraid of seeking medical advice!" Ling Yao caught up.
"Ah, Linglong, you're here."
Feng Shihao didn't know what to say. He hesitated, then bypassed Qu Linglong and strode out of Fengque Tower.
Qu Linglong asked curiously, "Princess, what is 'afraid of seeking medical advice'?"
"Eldest Imperial Brother! He might have an incurable disease, but the doctors can't find it. Linglong, it's right for you to leave him."
Ling Yao's eyes were still red from crying, and Qu Linglong's heart skipped a beat.
"Even the Princess can't cure him?"
"He won't let me help him. Perhaps... he has developed... bad thoughts."
Thoughts of ending his life.
Qu Linglong's eyes widened.