The Great Tang's Super Arms Dealer
Winter, twenty-fourth day of the eleventh month, fifth year of Zhenguan. The sky was clear and vast.
Outside the former capital city of Chang'an, along the banks of the Wei River, a colossal crowd gathered to witness an execution.
Four thousand two hundred and eleven individuals from the Three Kings, Four Dukes, and Twenty-Five Noble Clans were subjected to punishment. Men, women, old, and young, all knelt with cangue marks, their heads bowed.
There were eighty-one executioners.
With the first stroke, thunder boomed in the clear sky.
With the second, the river waters churned.
The magnitude of the spectacle was like heavenly wrath, like the roar of thunder.
The common people cheered, fish leaped from the water, and the Jing and Wei rivers ran red.
Wherever the imperial chariot passed, the populace prostrated themselves, proclaiming him a sage ruler, whose merits rivaled Yao and Shun.
....................
With the execution of Li Daozong and others, the unrest in various regions gradually subsided.
The election of council representatives was also incorporated into the daily court discussions.
Regarding this matter, Li Shimin directly adopted a hands-off approach.
He, along with Changsun Wuji, Fang Er, and Zhang Gongjin, embarked on various leisurely outings.
At this moment, the four were strolling through the East Market.
The three old fellows walked side by side, with Li Shimin sandwiched between them.
They walked with their hands behind their backs, cigars in their mouths, followed by servants carrying falcons and leading dogs, looking like a bunch of old ruffians...
Li Shimin casually picked up a slice of melon from a Western Region merchant's stall. After a single taste, he frowned and spat it out.
"Pah... These Western Region melons are even worse than the white melons An Zhi brought back. They taste like swill."
He handed the melon in his hand to Deng Dengjie, then led the group onward.
Old Deng was miserable. With every stall they passed, his master would pick something up to taste. The good ones he kept, the bad ones he shoved to him.
Being forcefully fed by the reigning emperor, once or twice was fine, but to keep feeding him like this, even the most voracious eater couldn't handle it...
"Old Qi, you eat this for me..."
Deng Dengjie, his face creased with misery, passed the melon to Qi Wudao, who was beside him.
However, Qi Wudao simply took out two pieces of broken silver from his robe and tossed them onto the stall. He didn't even glance at the melon.
Deng Dengjie was at a loss and could only seek help from Fang Er.
"Master, I... I can't eat anymore..."
"You really can't eat anymore?"
"I really can't eat anymore!"
"Here, this is for digestion. I have faith in you, keep going!"
Fang Er stuffed two large boxes of digestive biscuits into Deng Dengjie's arms, patted him heartily on the shoulder, and then quickly caught up to Li Shimin.
These days of leisure were incredibly comfortable.
The only drawback was that strolling with these old men was somewhat lacking.
If he could replace them with the women of his household, it would be perfect!
"Boring, so boring!"
After wandering for a while, Li Shimin was full of disappointment. Seeing a camel lying on the ground nearby, he walked over without ceremony and sat down on it as a makeshift seat.
The foreign merchant selling the camel looked bewildered, but seeing the demeanor of the group, he dared not say anything, merely standing to the side and offering a polite smile.
"Your Majesty, how about we go out to sea and fish?" Zhang Gongjin suggested, rubbing his hands.
Changsun Wuji rolled his eyes at him. "In the middle of winter, fish for what?"
He rarely went out and only knew that the south was warmer than the north, but he didn't know how much warmer.
In this regard, Zhang Gongjin boasted with disdain.
"Heh, you wouldn't understand this! Go to the South Sea, it's summer all year round, you can fish for whatever you want!"
"The Great Kun, one pot cannot hold it all; it requires a thousand barbecue racks, half with cumin, half with spicy!"
"So, shall we go fishing for the Kun?"
Li Shimin pondered for a moment, then stood up, brushed the camel hair off his backside, and waved his hand.
"Let's go to Australia!"
"We'll leave this place for Chengqian to play with on his own."
The group headed back, with Deng Dengjie trailing far behind.
With a melon in his left cheek and a fragrant pear in his right.
One step, a full burp; three steps, a loud fart.
A camel tethered to his waist, a lizard perched on his head.
Heavens, has a personal attendant ever reached this level of service?
Thinking about it made him feel utterly bewildered...
Returning to Changsun Wuji's residence, Fang Er, as if it were his own home, made his way into Changsun Ling'er's boudoir.
He had been staying at his father-in-law's house for the past couple of days and was as familiar with it as his own.
He inexplicably thought of Fang Fengzhu and Zhang Yuanshuang.
If he married those few girls as well, would he be able to unlock the achievement of "My Father-in-Law's House Everywhere"?
"Hey, System Sister, is there such an achievement?"
He rubbed his nose and summoned the system in his mind.
[Yes, but it requires unlocking ten thousand and eighty thousand fathers-in-law. Would you like to experience the reward?]
Fang Er:...........
Damn it, my kidneys already ache just thinking about it!
The next morning, a helicopter took off from Chang'an, changed to a gold-dredging ship in Yangzhou, and sped towards Australia at sonic speed.
It was Li Shimin, Zhang Gongjin, and Changsun Wuji's first time on such a contraption.
The lightning-fast speed astonished them all.
Zhang Gongjin excitedly swayed the controls left and right, as if playing an arcade game.
He even tried to extract gold from the sea surface.
Watching as wisps of mist gathered at the bottom of the gold-dredging ship, Li Shimin and Changsun Wuji were stunned.
"My heavens, no wonder this fellow is so rich!"
With this thing, could money still be called money?
Fang Er, regrettably, slapped his forehead, having momentarily forgotten the most basic function of the gold-dredging ship.
"Don't be ridiculous, these three people under their butts will never get this ship back."
Indeed, as soon as the thought arose, Li Shimin's voice came through the headphones.
"Hahahaha, virtuous son-in-law, this 'gold-dredging ship,' I'll gladly accept it, hahahaha..."
Then came Changsun Wuji.
"Tsk tsk tsk, not bad. I'll just consider this your betrothal gift for Ling'er. I am very pleased!"
Zhang Gongjin followed suit: "Haha, brother, with our bond, do I still need to 'sell my daughter for glory'?"
"Of course, if needed, Shuang'er can be yours anytime, I have no objections, elder brother!"
"Zhang Gongjin!"
As soon as his words fell, Li Shimin and Changsun Wuji stopped simultaneously, turned their heads, and glared fiercely at him.
"Selling my daughter for glory..."
Fang Er's mouth twitched, and he felt sympathy for the fellow for three seconds!
As expected, in the next second, Old Li and Changsun Wuji turned their gold-dredging ships and charged towards him.
Zhang Gongjin was terrified and quickly turned to flee.
Three ships engaged in a fierce chase across the boundless sea.
By the time they returned to the Eight-Legged Lake in Australia, it was already noon on the third day.
Zhang Gongjin, with disheveled hair and dark circles under his eyes, disembarked from the gold-dredging ship, looking timidly at Changsun Wuji.
"Brother Wuji..."
"Please, please, don't mess with me anymore..."
"I was wrong, I know I was wrong, alright..."
Seeing this, Fang Er quietly slipped home with Changsun Ling'er.