Half an hour later, the pathetic Zhu Youjian, with a swollen face, was miserably squatting in the corner, wiping away tears.
Wang Chengen and Cao Huachun were not faring any better, one with black eyes, the other with a face so swollen it looked like he had an egg stuffed in his mouth.
All four Grand Secretaries were knocked unconscious and lay on the ground without exception.
Li Shimin asked Fang Er for a cigar. After lighting it, he lounged on the dragon throne, puffing away.
"Boy, what do you know about the affairs of this dynasty? Tell me."
Fang Er scratched his head. "Where should I begin?"
"The mess of the Great Ming could take three days to finish!"
He kicked Wang Chengen, pointing at the four unconscious Grand Secretaries, and asked, "What are these four old fellows' names?"
Wang Chengen felt he had never been so wronged. As a supervisor of the Directorate of Ceremonial, he was still beaten so brutally!
What's more, even his master had been beaten. Where could he find justice for this?
Seeing his silence, Ge Luoyang raised his fist again.
"No, no, this servant will tell you, I'll tell you all, don't, don't hit me!"
Wang Chengen pleaded repeatedly, then pointed to the four old men to introduce them.
"This one is the Grand Secretary of the Eastern Pavilion, Fan Fucui!"
"They are Chen Yan, Zhang Sizhi, and Xue Guoguan~"
Upon hearing this, Fang Er immediately burst into laughter.
"Hahaha, who did I think it was? It turns out to be these guys!"
"Come, come, Luoyang, wake up old Fan and let him watch from the side. As for the other three, wake them up and keep beating them!"
Zhu Youjian: ???
Cao Huachun: ???
Wang Chengen: ???
What was this all for?
They had already been knocked unconscious, and now they were to be woken up and beaten again? Was this how one bullied people?
Li Shimin was also puzzled. He looked at Fang Er and asked, "What do you mean?"
Fang Er chuckled, "Father, you don't know, none of these three guys are good people!"
"By the way, the Grand Secretary of the Eastern Pavilion is equivalent to our Tang Dynasty's Chancellor. Although the rank is a bit lower, the power is basically the same, and even greater."
"Let's talk about Zhang Sizhi first. He's an impressive figure, but apart from corruption and flattery, he has no skills whatsoever."
"Regarding the matter of demolishing the old and building the new, this fellow had a disagreement with his younger brother. He got his brother drunk and tricked him into stamping his fingerprint on the deed of sale. Afterwards, he claimed it was an imperial decree, which angered his brother so much that he left home."
"Then there's Xue Guoguan, who shifts with the wind, is cunning and resentful."
"And Chen Yan, he's no better than the other two, all the same sort of rubbish."
Li Shimin's eyes widened instantly: "What are you talking about?"
"With such rubbish, one can still become a Chancellor?"
After a gasp of astonishment, he turned to Zhu Youjian: "What the hell is in your head? Shit?"
"Or did your mother give birth to you, and the placenta turned into this thing you are?"
"With such a brain, I doubt how you became emperor!"
Fang Er chimed in, "The previous emperor didn't leave any sons, so he got lucky~~"
Li Shimin pointed at Ge Luoyang, "Why are you still dawdling! Beat him for me!"
"Even this one who picks up scraps, beat him! Damn it, don't stop until he soils himself!"
The sky outside was as dark as ink.
Zhu Youjian's face was as purple as an eggplant.
Ge Luoyang and the others were having a blast. They were now beating up a reigning emperor, and they could brag about it for at least a month.
Chen Yan and the other two, who were woken up by cold water, hadn't heard what Fang Er had said. The moment they opened their eyes, they saw fists raining down on them.
Looking around the hall, besides the two eunuchs and Fan Fucui, Zhu Youjian was also being beaten alongside them.
After another half hour of beating, the three incompetent Grand Secretaries were crawling on the ground unable to get up. Zhu Youjian was doing a bit better, as Fang Er didn't intend to cripple him, and had stopped Ge Luoyang midway.
After the beating, Fang Er looked at Zhu Youjian and asked with a smile, "Do you know why you were beaten?"
Zhu Youjian was cowed.
Before he ascended the throne, he was not a tough person.
It was only the status of emperor that allowed him to act recklessly in the Golden Palace. Otherwise, he would have been killed countless times.
His suicide by hanging on Coal Mountain, though spoken of as heroic, only happened when he couldn't escape Beijing.
On the day Li Zicheng broke into Beijing, he had changed into eunuch clothes and claimed to be leaving the capital by imperial decree, but the guards at the gate simply ignored him.
He tried to leave through the Donghua Gate but was forced back by the rebels' arrows.
He tried to leave through the Anding Gate, but the guards scattered, and the gate was locked, impossible to open.
He went to find Duke Chengguo Zhu Chunchen, but was locked outside his door and not allowed in.
Therefore, this fellow was never truly tough.
After being beaten for nearly an hour, he didn't dare to say a single tough word.
He trembled and replied, "I, I, I don't know~~"
Fang Er pointed at the three Grand Secretaries on the ground, "As for these three scoundrels, hand them over to Luo Yangxing for a thorough investigation, to see if anything I just said is false!"
Zhu Youjian nodded repeatedly.
Fang Er then pointed at Li Shimin, "Also, this is the genuine Emperor Taizong of the Great Tang's Zhenguan era!"
"With both remains and spirit tablets, I truly don't know what you were thinking!"
"I, the Duke of Anguo of Great Tang!"
"This one, Prince Wei of Great Tang, Li Tai!"
"This one, Prince Shu of Great Tang, Li Ke!kAnshu伍.ξà"
"Whether you believe it or not, this is ironclad fact!"
"Wait!"
Fan Fucui, who was crawling up from the ground with his eyes covered, looked at Fang Er in shock and asked, "You mean, you are people from the Tang Dynasty??"
"He, is Emperor Taizong?"
Fang Er nodded slightly, then as if he had thought of something, he said to Li Shimin, "Please trouble Father to write a piece of calligraphy, let Master Fan examine the handwriting."
Fan Fucui's face showed a look of anticipation.
In this era without facial recognition or DNA testing, handwriting was the best proof of identity.
No matter how much others tried to imitate it, some subtle details could not be perfectly replicated.
Li Shimin picked up the imperial brush from the desk, and Li Tai quickly helped him find a piece of Xuan paper to spread out.
With the imperial brush in hand, after a flourish of vigorous strokes, a short poem was left on the Xuan paper.
Ode to the Bow
At the full moon strung, the arrow flies afar like a meteor.
The goose that carries a message is startled, the gibbons' cries echo as branches turn.
Fan Fucui leaned in closer, and after just a glance, he was amazed and said excitedly, "May I examine it closely?"
"Hahaha, why not!"
Li Shimin picked up the paper and handed it over casually.
After carefully examining the strokes of each character, Fan Fucui's eyes widened.
"It looks, it looks, it's just too similar!"
After his exclamation, he looked at Zhu Youjian and said,
"Your Majesty, I remember that the Imperial Father-in-law's household happens to collect some of Emperor Taizong's personal writings. May I send someone to borrow it for comparison?"
Zhu Youjian was about to move, but instinctively glanced at Li Shimin, then quickly shrunk his neck and squatted down again.
"Ask, ask them~~"
Upon hearing his words, Li Shimin's anger flared up again. He walked over and kicked Zhu Youjian to the ground.
Mencius said, "To be unmoved by wealth and rank, unyielding in poverty and obscurity, and unbent by force and power – this is what makes a true man!"
"Look at your demeanor! After being beaten, you don't even dare to speak?"
"As the sovereign of a nation, you have so little ability?"
"If you're useless, let your son take your place!"
"What kind of trash!"