"Ah! Ah! Ah!" That evening, in the early hours of the morning, several people let out wails like crying ghosts in a hospital in Yuzhang City. Several nurses watching nearby whispered, "Didn't they say foreigners have high素质 (sùzhì - quality/caliber)? Why are they screaming so miserably? I've never seen anything like it in my life."
"I heard he had a rectal prolapse, bleeding non-stop. It's too disgusting!" another nurse whispered. Beside them stood Li Chunlei, pale-faced and full of despair about his future.
"It shouldn't be like this, why did it turn out this way?" Li Chunlei muttered to himself. At Zuckerberg's strong insistence, he had taken Zuckerberg and his group to a familiar and very authentic Gan cuisine restaurant.
Li Chunlei intended to order some light dishes and get through the meal. Unexpectedly, Zuckerberg directly asked the waiter what their spiciest dishes were.
Li Chunlei initially thought the waiter didn't understand English and wouldn't hear what Zuckerberg said. However, the owner happened to be nearby. Upon hearing it, he actively engaged them and recommended their signature dish, Stir-fried Yellow Beef.
When Zuckerberg heard it was beef, he immediately declared he wanted it and then asked if there were any other spicy dishes, requesting the owner to bring them all. He claimed he was a man who could eat ten boxes of Sichuan chili sauce.
After Zuckerberg ordered, Li Chunlei secretly found the owner and asked him not to take it seriously and not to add chili.
The owner immediately refused, "I can't do that! Is Gan cuisine still Gan cuisine without chili? Wouldn't that ruin my reputation?"
Li Chunlei countered, "These are foreign friends, we can't let them leave holding onto the wall, can we?"
The owner, upon hearing this, became even more excited. He said that those were the foreign friends' own requests. Although he was very surprised by their requests, having never heard such outrageous demands in his life, he couldn't refuse since they asked.
With no other choice, Li Chunlei took out 200 yuan and stated that if no chili was added, the 200 yuan would be considered a seasoning fee. Only then did the owner nod his head contentedly and agree.
Li Chunlei breathed a sigh of relief and was about to return when he heard the owner ask indifferently, "Do you want us to change to a new pot?"
"Why change to a new pot?" Li Chunlei asked blankly.
"It's like this, our restaurant's pot has been used for several years. Too much chili flavor has been absorbed into this pot. Even if we don't add chili, the stir-fried dishes will still be spicy. So if you really don't want spicy flavor, we suggest changing to a new pot."
"Of course, you'll have to cover the cost of changing to a new pot. It's not much, just an additional 1000 yuan!" the owner said.
Li Chunlei rolled his eyes, thinking he was being treated like a fool, and decisively refused the request. To be safe, Li Chunlei specifically went to the kitchen to take a few glances, confirming that they really hadn't added chili, before contentedly returning to the banquet and listening to Zuckerberg boast about his past feat of eating ten boxes of Sichuan chili sauce.
Then the dishes were served, and they ate. Li Chunlei tasted a few bites and found that indeed, no chili had been added, but there was still a faint spicy taste. It seemed the matter of chili residue on the pot was true.
Meanwhile, Zuckerberg and his group were sweating profusely, exclaiming that it indeed had half the spiciness of ten boxes of Sichuan chili sauce, finding it exhilarating. After finishing the meal, they left and checked into their booked hotel. It seemed like the matter had passed.
However, not long after entering their rooms, Li Chunlei heard a knock on the door. Then a foreigner, holding onto the wall, clutching his stomach, looked at him in pain and said in a trembling English, "Help! Help!"
Li Chunlei then, along with two or three hotel security guards, hastily put these foreigners into a car and took them to the nearest hospital to begin treatment.
These foreigners were in a terrible state. The mildest symptom was dehydration from diarrhea, their faces pale.
Most of them were unable to walk upright, clutching their stomachs and moaning about stomach pain.
Zuckerberg was the most miserable. Not only was he dehydrated from diarrhea, but he also suffered from rectal prolapse and anal fissures, crying out incessantly, constantly asking for chili water to be poured into his backside. The scene was indescribably tragic.
[PS: The above is not fictional but a personal experience of a Sichuanese person.]
Fortunately, the hospital doctors were very experienced. Upon seeing them, they calmly said, "Is this your first time in Yuzhang, and you ate too much chili?"
Indeed, to show off his ability to eat spicy food, Zuckerberg had eaten almost all the chili-related dishes on the table, constantly saying they were delicious. Well, Yuzhang cuisine is undeniably delicious, but eating too much naturally means excreting more.
As a result, Zuckerberg, who was originally scheduled to travel to Longhu Mountain the next day, ended up lying in Yuzhang for three days before he could barely be discharged. Walking sideways with his buttocks clenched, he asked Li Chunlei with confusion, "Mr. Li, why could I eat ten boxes of Sichuan chili sauce, but I couldn't even handle your pot-rinsing water?"
"Well, perhaps McDonald's Sichuan chili sauce is actually sweet!" Li Chunlei said hesitantly.
After this incident, Li Chunlei immediately reported it to his superiors and prepared to accept disciplinary action. It was rumored that the matter was even reported to the chairman, and Li Chunlei felt completely stunned, believing he was doomed.
However, to his surprise, a day later, his supervisor joyfully informed him that the big boss had laughed himself to the floor upon hearing about it. Therefore, not only was there no intention to punish him, but he was also asked to accompany Zuckerberg more and was officially promoted to a formal secretary in the Secretariat after seeing Zuckerberg off.
This could be considered a blessing in disguise.
However, Li Chunlei was not excited by this turn of events. Instead, he only wanted to understand what had happened and why Zuckerberg, who could eat ten boxes of Sichuan chili sauce, couldn't even handle the pot-rinsing water.
So, he specifically called his high school classmate who was currently studying in the United States. After explaining the situation, his classmate also laughed himself to the floor. He then told Li Chunlei that McDonald's did sell a Sichuan chili sauce, but the problem was that this Sichuan chili sauce was not spicy, but sweet... Heaven only knows how Americans understood the word "spicy." In any case, their Sichuan chili was sweet, with at most a tiny hint of spiciness, not even enough to make a Fujianese person cry.
However, this high school classmate also admitted that an American who could eat ten boxes of Sichuan chili sauce in one go was indeed impressive among Americans, but they should never have challenged their own pot-rinsing water, which was practically asking for death!
"You called such spicy chili sauce sweet!" Zuckerberg was shocked and speechless for a long time.
"Do Sichuan people eat more spicy food than your Gan Province people?" Zuckerberg couldn't help but ask as they neared Longhu Mountain.
"Actually, I think Sichuan people only rank fifth in eating spicy food. The most spicy-eating people in all of China are actually us Gan Province people! In fact, the spiciness you experienced a few days ago was less than one-tenth of the spiciness that ordinary Gan Province people consume in their daily lives," Li Chunlei said with emotion.
"Then I'm doomed!" Zuckerberg looked desperate. "I still have to stay in your Longhu Mountain for a while. Do I have to eat your daily meals during this time?"
Upon hearing Zuckerberg's words, Li Chunlei quickly comforted him, saying that Taoist followers, unlike ordinary people, also paid attention to a light and moderate diet, so the dietary conditions in Longhu Mountain should not be too spicy.
Hearing Li Chunlei say this, Zuckerberg's expression improved slightly. At this moment, the vehicle finally arrived at the foot of Longhu Mountain. With the help of several people, Zuckerberg, still clenching his buttocks, spent nearly a whole day to finally reach the Tianshi Mansion and Shangqing Palace at the foot of Longhu Mountain.
Although Longhu Mountain is the ancestral court of Taoism, the Tianshi Mansion and other buildings are not actually on the mountain. This is because the terrain of the mountain is not suitable for building large structures. There is only a small Taoist temple on the Golden Summit, but usually, there is no one there.
Zuckerberg and his group entered the Tianshi Mansion with great anticipation, then found the Shangqing Palace and attempted to communicate with the Taoist priests there to ask about becoming disciples. However, they discovered that in the vast Tianshi Mansion, they couldn't find a single Taoist priest; there were only tourists and staff.
This greatly disappointed Zuckerberg. He felt that he had come to China, had not found the methods of cultivation, but had injured his backside, which was simply a great jest.
Fortunately, Li Chunlei was capable. He immediately contacted the group headquarters, which then reported it to Chairman Huang. Chairman Huang contacted someone, and eventually, people came to receive Zuckerberg and his group, leading them through many turns and twists within the Tianshi Mansion, entering a passage marked "No Entry for Tourists," and finally meeting the abbot of the contemporary Tianshi Mansion, Zhang Jintao, in an ordinary Zen courtyard.
"This is the sixty-fourth generation Tianshi Zhang Jintao!" the Taoist priest leading the way introduced respectfully in English.
"Oh, greetings, Tianshi Zhang!" Zuckerberg had also learned some Taoist etiquette during these days and performed a gesture that was somewhat similar.
"Not at all! Not at all! Taoist boy, you must not speak carelessly. This humble one is not the sixty-fourth generation Tianshi, but merely the abbot of this Tianshi Mansion!" Zhang Jintao said calmly.
"This person is quite honest!" Li Chunlei whispered to himself.
Upon learning that his esteemed guests' purpose was Longhu Mountain, Li Chunlei naturally spent considerable time researching various materials related to Longhu Mountain, including information about the abbot of the Tianshi Mansion, Zhang Jintao.
Although Zhang Jintao was indeed recognized by the state as the abbot of the Longhu Mountain Tianshi Mansion, managing the vast Tianshi Mansion, the issue was that Zhang Jintao was not a direct descendant of the sixty-third generation Tianshi but the maternal grandson, the son of his daughter. His surname was originally Lu, and he was called Lu Jintao.
The Tianshi Mansion had always inherited the position according to patriarchal lineage. The position of Tianshi could absolutely not be passed down to a grandson through the daughter; this was the consensus of the entire Taoist community. Therefore, Zhang Jintao would never dare to claim himself as Tianshi Zhang in front of outsiders, as it would cause a huge uproar!