Once I’ve made my way off campus and out over the city proper, I again check my phone, expecting the second shoe to drop any minute. Something having happened to Chloe. Nicholas texting frantically, demanding my immediate presence to deal with the latest aberration that one of his agents has detected. Alana flying overhead, alerting me to the presence of another wyvern coming to avenge its fallen kin. I’m not really sure what that shoe will be, but as I fly over the center of my hometown and suffer the raging inferno that is Oklahoma summer, I just know something is going to happen.
Which is why, as my phone remains silent, the sky remains clear, and the lands as far as I can see remain devoid of any hostile tides of beasts or other creatures that might cause harm to my home or the people I care about, my anxiety has never been higher. Strange how that works.
Constantly on guard, I make my way back home, occasionally glancing behind me, even though I’m leaving [Archangel’s Gaze] on the whole time.
Get a grip, Seraphina! I tell myself, slapping my face in the hopes that I can somehow snap myself out of what appears to be some sort of panic attack. You are the monster here. Okay, maybe not literally. Like, you have wings, but… no, your armor does have scales, you’re half made of metal, you can probably grow wings or teeth with [Ether Manipulation] or some other combination of Skills… No tail, at least. Actually, would Chloe like it if I had a tail? I can think of a few fun ways to use a tail if she’s interested… No, probably shouldn’t ask. That would just be weird.
This gets me to chuckle. More importantly, it somehow manages to get me out of the anxiety spiral that I was starting to spin for myself. One final check. Nothing immediately attacking? No mass cries of distress demanding my attention? No storms on the horizon? I get an afternoon where I don’t have to fight for my life or someone else’s? No fires to put out? No construction, no death, no damage beyond the capability of the lay citizenry to handle in the course of their daily lives?
Even if I wanted to, it’s best I not try to do too much for them. Both to prevent dependency, and to make sure that everyone has an opportunity to gain levels and Skills in the course of their daily lives. The exact same reason I will encourage my students to fight monsters.
I– I can’t do it alone. I know I can’t do it alone. I know there are things that only I might be able to do. During the final battle, it might have to be me out there, by myself, if my suspicions about ｢The Anomaly｣ are correct. But even then, in that final, climactic battle to decide the fate of all continuities, I know there will be things for everyone else to do.
I take a deep breath. Then another, then a third, then a fourth. I focus on my own [Ether] Manipulation exercises. Anything to get my mind off of the long term and toward… not spiraling in my own thoughts.
This is why Chloe is so important to me. She grounds me, keeps me focused on what I can do. She’s my moral compass, my greatest source of strength. Maybe it’s melodramatic of me to say or think this, but she’s my everything, my better half, and, though we’ve only been dating for a few months, I love her and she means the world to me.
I sigh and smile wistfully as I touch down in front of our house, just the thought of her beating back the foul moods that were threatening me earlier. After checking the mail— a couple of envelopes for Mrs. Jacobs, along with a lot of junk— I make my way in and check around inside. Chloe is still resting soundly, and while I’d love nothing more than to join her, I probably should take a quick shower first.
Sweet goddesses above! I don’t know what it is about taking a nice warm shower, but I feel about a billion times better than before. It takes me until the moment the water hits my skin and starts seeping through my hair and onto my scalp to realize that I haven’t taken a shower since we were back in the Tower… And I’ve done a lot of fighting and sleeping in my armor and… Okay, no, my body odor is usually not onerous, but I still probably owe Amalia an apology…
Thinking back to what she said… I’ll settle for the silent apology unspoken. Yeah, there’s absolutely no good way to broach that subject.
Once I’m finished showering and fully dried off— thanks, inverted [Water] glyph, allowing me to quickly do so without heat-damaging my hair— I slip my way into bed, taking the other half of the mattress and situating myself within Chloe’s everloving embrace, earning a contented sigh from her and eliciting one of my own in return.
“I missed you so much, love.”
“I did too. But now I’m back where I belong.”
“Yes, you are. How did things go?”
“I think they went really well. Met my teaching assistant slash new protégée, Amalia,today, got a lot of work done on my course syllabi, hammered out some of the things I need to cover in each of my classes, started trying to piece together an anti-cheating policy… Didn’t get around to meeting with anyone in athletics about getting you hired on as my assistant for Basic Combat Training… Although I did meet and mess with the school’s women’s track and field coach.”
“Mess with how?” Chloe turns around and gives me The Look.
“She thought I was one of her students, so she ordered me to do laps around the campus. I hit her with [Angel’s Grace] and enjoyed watching her jaw drop when she realized she’d just finished running fifteen miles in twenty-two minutes.”
“Oh, okay, so it was ultimately harmless fun.”
“Leena?”
“She was quite insistent. Absolutely refused even to tell me her last name, so it’s either Leena, or I guess I could call her Coach, but seeing as though she’s not actually my coach, that wouldn’t make a lot of sense either.”
Chloe nestles up next to me, assuming the position of the big spoon despite my larger frame. “And this Amalia?”
“Reminds me a little of you. Short, red hair, a little shy, but inquisitive and willing to work and ask intelligent questions. Helped guide her training enough for her to get [Basic [Ether] Manipulation]. That’s going to be the first lecture and homework assignment for my students, since I can’t really even start to teach spellcraft without it. Figured it would be helpful to have her already know how to do so, so she can help me with the students who end up having more difficulty.”
“Sounds like you had a pretty productive day, all things considered.”
I pause. Chloe picks up on the hesitation immediately, spinning me around so that the two of us are facing one another. For a moment, I just hold her, not saying anything, allowing my discomfort from earlier to enter my conscious mind. And then, thanks to Chloe’s presence, her gentle embrace, and some occasional kisses, it all gradually melts away. Not all at once, and not without occasional jitters, but the anxiety and stress that had been accumulating in the back of my mind these last past few hours is finally starting to abate.
“I’m scared,” I say. “It feels like it’s only a matter of time before the hammer swings again. More monsters. More death.”
Chloe kisses me. “I thought you said you liked fighting.”
“I do. I’ve come to like it a lot. But… I think it hit me a lot while I was talking with Amalia earlier. I’m training the next line of defense against the next horde of monsters. People who don’t like fighting, who aren’t accustomed to it, haven’t been shaped by an entire lifetime of fighting under the System’s new regime. Amalia seemed… reluctant and scared to be out there on the front lines.
“And the other thing I think I’m getting worried about is that I’m getting a bit… accustomed to fighting. Fighting in the Tower, fighting the monster hordes, fighting Scarlett on behalf of Nicholas and his team. Dungeon raids and even getting trapped in a depowering chamber by humans. Not once, but twice now.”
“You’re scared that you’ll be without your power?”
“I’m scared that I’m starting to lose my ability to function correctly in normal society. I had [Archangel’s Gaze] constantly checking over my shoulder the entire flight home, as though I couldn’t have one day without someone needing me to drop in and…”
“It’s okay, Sera. I’m here for you. I’m here and I’ll always be here. As long as you need me.”
“It doesn’t make sense. I–”
“It doesn’t have to make sense, Seraphina.”
“But, it’s just–”
“It’s okay, Seraphina. I think you’re just stressed. Your body may be able to function on less sleep now, but that doesn’t mean your mind is used to it. We just got done with a harrowing series of trials in the Tower Gauntlet. Ones that attacked not just our bodies, but our far more vulnerable minds. You heard what Cara said about how susceptible we can be to attacks on our minds, and that last battle was particularly stressful on yours.”
“But–”
“It’s okay, Sera.” She casts her [Healing Light] upon me. Immediately, the stress of before seems so far, far away. “Today you can rest. Today, we can forget about the outside world. All the bloodshed. All that fighting that you’re still going through in your mind. I know it hurts you so, Sera.”
“What about you, Chloe?” I ask. “Aren’t you feeling the strain of all this fighting? I figured it’d be harder on you since you don’t have the same experience with having a past life and all.”
“I am. I think my class protects me a little bit. But more than that, it’s because I’ve had someone to talk to about it all.”
“Me?”
“Well, yes. And you are a wonderful source of strength. But I mean during my hospital work. All of us are strongly encouraged to seek ongoing counseling. Particularly after the System’s arrival, with the number of people coming in with gruesome, horrible injuries that we have to stabilize and try to treat. And of course, all the deaths. Even I can’t prevent them all.”
“Chloe, I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy worrying about my own struggles that I’ve not given nearly enough consideration to everything you’ve been going through. And how hard the last trips into the Tower must have been for you, too.”
“You’re okay, Seraphina. And I’m okay too. But I do want to try one thing, if you’re okay with it. Something that might help.”
I nod.
“I want you to take a long, deep breath over the course of five seconds, hold it for five seconds, then exhale slowly over the next five seconds. Then repeat this process. Try to focus on the act of breathing, and the flow of air moving through you. But if you do have any thoughts that try to encroach, acknowledge them, accept them, and then let them pass.”
I do as Chloe says over the course of several minutes. Five seconds feels like an eternity now, and plenty of thoughts do cross my mind with each breath. But acknowledging them without judgement does seem to help, far more than I’d expected. And the process as a whole is helping to calm down a bit. And from then, the fatigue that had built up in my mind and body alike surfaces to the forefront.
I close my eyes, Chloe willingly and eagerly accepting my embrace, and together, the two of us drift back off to a long, restful slumber.