The news of Feng Ling's discomfort immediately brought worry to Feng Ye Xuan's eyes.
This signal struck Chu Qian Li's heart like a sharp knife.
The蛊毒 (gǔ dú) had only controlled his memories, making him forget her completely.
But the蛊毒 (gǔ dú) might not be able to make him fall in love with Feng Ling.
His current concern for Feng Ling was, perhaps, genuine.
Had he fallen for Feng Ling?
Chu Qian Li lowered her head, looking at her fingertips. Her fingers felt stiff, much like her heart, which had become so hardened lately that even she disliked it.
But she couldn't let her heart soften.
Only she knew that if her heart softened, she would wish she were dead.
Those who had never experienced the pain of loving someone unattainable would never understand.
She preferred to believe that she didn't love Feng Ye Xuan.
She could only tell herself that she no longer loved him, that she hadn't loved him for a long time.
If she didn't love him, she wouldn't get hurt, wouldn't despair, and wouldn't suffer such agonizing pain.
She must have stopped loving him long ago!
...
Feng Ling was not in her own chambers; she had spent the entire day in Feng Ye Xuan's room.
The Four Guards were all out on errands, and no one bothered her.
Feng Ye Xuan was also absent, spending his days by Chu Qian Li's side, never returning to see her.
The maid had been to Chu Qian Li's place to look for him before, but he had apparently gone out with Chu Qian Li then.
Feng Ling didn't know where he had gone, only that when she couldn't find him, her heart felt a great panic.
The maid opened the door, and Feng Ye Xuan stepped inside.
"You're back?" Feng Ling, who had been staring blankly by the window, stood up immediately upon hearing the movement and turned to look at him.
Two tears still lingered in the corners of her eyes, not yet wiped away.
Seeing this, Feng Ye Xuan's heart was instantly gripped with pain.
"You... why are you crying alone?"
"The man I love has been with another woman all day, and I can't even find him."
Feng Ling wiped away her tears and gave him a desolate smile, "What else can I do but cry? It seems I'm utterly useless, isn't that right?"
Feng Ye Xuan remained silent. While he felt a pang of guilt, Feng Ling's accusatory words made him somewhat irritated.
He and Chu Qian Li were conducting themselves openly and honestly, busy with their work, treating the sick.
Neither he nor Chu Qian Li had the spare capacity to dwell on such frivolous matters.
Instead, they felt particularly at ease and relaxed.
Lives were at stake, and moreover, how many lives were affected by this epidemic?
In such circumstances, matters of love and affection seemed rather superfluous.
Feng Ling had expected him to at least offer an explanation, but his silence left her feeling awkward, as if she were performing a solo act.
She lowered her gaze and wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes again.
When she looked up at him again, a smile had formed on her lips, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said such complaining words. I was presumptuous just now. Ye Xuan, please forgive me."
"I'm not blaming you." While she was complaining, Feng Ye Xuan could still allow himself to feel irritated.
But now that she was apologizing to him, he found his heart softening.
"She and I... have no private dealings. It's all for the villagers."
He walked over and helped her to sit down on a chair, "I heard you were unwell. Is there something wrong? Shall I find a doctor for you?"
"No need. The doctors outside are all very busy. I just have a relapse of an old ailment, compounded by an internal injury I sustained earlier..."
"I'm sorry." His mistake had caused her internal injury; in a way, it was his fault.
However, Feng Ling seized the moment of his guilt and clasped his large hand, "Ye Xuan, I don't ask for much. I just need you to tell me that you still only have me in your heart, and that will be enough."