"Jiang Jiang, I'm sorry, I scared you..."
As Yi Yanguan took two steps forward, he stopped abruptly. Seeing the wariness and fear in her eyes, Yi Yanguan suddenly felt a pain like a thousand arrows piercing his heart.
Clearly, she hadn't woken up, but instead had fallen into some nightmare.
A nightmare she had experienced, struggled with, and escaped from, a nightmare that filled her with immense fear and despair.
Even though she was now far from the lake, she was still gasping for breath, as if any slight relaxation in her breathing would cause her to suffocate in the next moment.
Yi Yanguan stood there like a clay statue, afraid to take another step and disturb her.
He could only watch helplessly as she struggled alone in the mire, within his reach.
"I won't come closer, won't come closer, don't be afraid..."
To help her relax, Yi Yanguan even took two steps back. "It's very safe here, you don't need to be afraid. No one can harm you, and I won't allow anyone to harm you..."
He choked out comforting words, patiently waiting for her emotions to gradually calm down.
But how long would this process be for her?
How much time and effort would it take for her to shed her weakness and helplessness, and to move forward fearlessly?
The doubled torment and suffering weighed heavily on his heart.
Finally.
Her violent gasping slowly subsided, and the ferocity in her eyes gradually dissipated. However, Yi Yanguan still dared not rush forward, fearing he might agitate her further and cause her more pain.
He didn't know how long he waited.
Until her gaze regained focus, fell upon him, and she slowly spoke with a slightly hoarse voice.
"Yi Yanguan?"
Confirming she had emerged from the nightmare, Yi Yanguan eagerly rushed over.
He pulled her tightly into his embrace, wanting to call her name, but his mouth opened, and no sound came out.
His throat felt as if it were blocked by something, causing a dull ache in his heart, thick and unyielding.
"What's wrong?" Did something happen? She felt so tired and couldn't remember anything; her mind was a bit hazy.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
After a long while, Yi Yanguan found his voice.
"Sorry for what?" She leaned tiredly on his shoulder, completely devoid of strength. "Yi Yanguan, what's wrong? Can you not hold me so tightly? You're going to suffocate me."
"I'm sorry, I, you just now..."
Yi Yanguan didn't want to reopen her wound, yet he wanted to know what had happened.
He loosened his arms that were holding her too tightly, letting her lean into his embrace, and raised his hand to wipe the water droplets sliding down her temples.
The water on her face had already been dried by the wind. The wet temples and collar from her violent struggles were still dripping.
"You were in a very bad state just now. Did you remember something?"
Xie Jiang looked at him with confusion.
Yi Yanguan said her state was very bad, but his own state was far worse.
He was very cold.
As if he had been standing in the cold wind for a long time, permeated by it from the inside out.
But it was still the season of the lingering heat of autumn, not the dead of winter, so how could he be so chilled?
Moreover, two living people had been embracing for a long time, especially a man and a woman in their prime; friction alone should have generated warmth.
Yet, he remained very cold.
A chill seeping from the very marrow of his bones.
Xie Jiang's eyes widened as she looked at him, then she suddenly reached out and lightly scraped his eye corner. A bright, shimmering drop appeared on her fingertip.
"You cried? Yi Yanguan? Wh-wh-what's wrong?" Xie Jiang was stunned. He, he was crying! Why would a grown man cry?
Although Yi Yanguan had a temper and was prone to infatuation, he was never one to be overly sentimental. If something very serious hadn't happened, why would he be so hurt?
Xie Jiang quickly organized her thoughts. She had had a couple of drinks with Marquis Yongxin and Duke Qian, and then she had stumbled out to look for Yi Yanguan.
What happened afterward?
Xie Jiang only had vague images in her mind.
It seemed like nothing had happened, yet also like many things had.
It was a bit confusing.
"Jiang Jiang."
"Hmm?"
"Have you ever drowned before?"
"D-drowned? Why are you asking this? What's wrong with you? Did I do something to you?"
Xie Jiang suspected she had misbehaved while drunk. If that were the case, the responsibility wouldn't be hers; it would be those two old men who plied her with drinks!
Yi Yanguan's voice was heavy. "You didn't do anything. It's my fault. I pushed you into the water, and you, you were very uncomfortable..."
Xie Jiang was stunned by his words. No wonder her collar was covered in water and her temples were still damp.
Seeing her gaze fixed on the lake as if recalling something, Yi Yanguan became somewhat nervous.
"If you can't remember, then don't think about it..."
He didn't know what had happened to her in the past. If he didn't know, then he didn't know. From now on, he would never let anyone have the chance to harm her again.
Xie Jiang seemed to recall something, her brow furrowed tightly, and she suddenly shook her head forcefully.
Yi Yanguan's heart leaped into his throat. He cupped her head with his large palm, stopping her.
"It's over, it's all over. Don't think about it, don't think about it..."
Xie Jiang closed her eyes and leaned on his shoulder. Images flashed rapidly in her mind, and Xie Jiang herself wanted to see them clearly.
A narrow, confined space, inescapable darkness, water surging from all directions...
And chilling laughter, and distorted, grotesque faces...
Sensing her body tense up, Yi Yanguan held her tightly, his large hand supporting the back of her head.
"Jiang Jiang, don't be afraid, I'm here..."
The hand gripping his back clothes tightened, then suddenly loosened. Xie Jiang opened her mouth and took a deep breath.
"I'll take you back to the manor."
Yi Yanguan didn't press her about whether she had remembered anything.
He didn't want to see her in pain anymore. If she had forgotten, then let it be.
It must have been a very painful memory that made her choose to forget it completely.
Even if, even if she... couldn't remember their past, it didn't matter.
As long as he remembered.
Yi Yanguan was about to pick her up when Xie Jiang raised her hand and pressed it against his shoulder.
"Jiang Jiang?"
"I think I've remembered a little." Xie Jiang herself wasn't very sure.
As if struck by a thunderbolt, Yi Yanguan's body stiffened abruptly, and the emotions in his eyes became exceptionally complex.
His gaze held a mixture of hope, worry, and a touch of fear and unease.
"Didn't you just ask me if I had ever drowned?"
Xie Jiang tried to piece together the fleeting images in her mind, not paying much attention to Yi Yanguan's excessive nervousness and heightened tension.
Nodding, Xie Jiang said to him, "I have drowned, and it seems I was thrown into the water by someone."
There was one more thing she didn't say: she thought she had been thrown into the sea.
She could still clearly recall the bitter, salty taste of seawater flooding into her nose and mouth.
That was the taste of the sea.
Xie Jiang herself was quite surprised. These scattered memory fragments were so vivid?
It was as if she had experienced it before, but how was that possible?
Before she was brought to Lan Yong, the body she inhabited was still Song Er's.
How could she have Song Er's memories? Could they be residual?
"Was it when you were little?" Yi Yanguan, though he had expected it, was still shocked. "Do you know who did it? Why would they do that to you?"
Xie Jiang shook her head.
Yi Yanguan said, "Let's go back to the manor first."
This time, Xie Jiang didn't stop him.
Yi Yanguan turned around, letting her climb onto his back, and carried her along a secluded path.
Xie Jiang, tired, wrapped her arms around his neck and remained silent for a long time.
Although her memories were fragmented and difficult to piece together, she had a general idea of who was responsible for the psychological trauma she, or rather Song Er, had suffered.