This question had troubled Xing Sha for nearly thirty years, ever since Xing Zheng was born. Both pregnancies lasted ten months, and both times he had doted on her. Yet, why was her attitude towards Xing Yan so vastly different from her attitude towards Xing Zheng?
Xie Qin Jia had always believed her aversion to Xing Zheng was without reason, just as her love for Xing Yan was. Only now, recalling the events of the past, did she finally understand the reason.
When Xie Qin Jia was pregnant with Zhao Jiang He, it was an accidental pregnancy. Although she and Liu Qin Ye were nominally "husband and wife," they had never registered their marriage. Her ID card had been lost during their nomadic life, and without it, she couldn't get a replacement. Thus, there was no legal relationship between them.
Liu Qin Ye was extremely insecure and constantly asked her if she wanted to leave him, if she wanted to return to Nan Jiang. Xie Qin Jia never imagined that to keep her, Liu Qin Ye would deliberately get her pregnant.
She didn't know when he had tampered with things. When her period was delayed by a month, and she experienced dry heaving and nausea, she went to the hospital for a check-up and discovered she was pregnant!
At that time, she was still young and not ready to be a mother. She discussed with Liu Qin Ye about aborting the child. How could Liu Qin Ye, who had gone to such lengths to have a child with her, possibly allow her to abort it? Not only did he refuse, but he also "supervised" her twenty-four hours a day. Every grain of rice she ate was personally selected by him.
As it was Xie Qin Jia's first pregnancy, she was not very familiar with it, and she hadn't wanted to be pregnant in the first place. Moreover, she was constantly being monitored, so her mood was naturally not good. When her mood was poor, her pregnancy symptoms became more severe. For the first three months, she vomited almost every day, to the extent that she felt like her internal organs were being expelled.
Normally, even with severe symptoms, they would subside after three months. But not for her. After three months, she still vomited daily. Whatever she managed to eat was soon vomited out. When Liu Qin Ye saw her vomiting, he would force her to eat again, even threatening her that if anything happened to the child in her womb, he would not let her off.
During the early stages of pregnancy, Liu Qin Ye would feign attentiveness, but in the later stages, his true nature was revealed. Xie Qin Jia endured the dual torment of pregnancy symptoms and Liu Qin Ye day after day. Those were years she never wished to recall in her life.
After the child was born, Liu Qin Ye was ecstatic, but Xie Qin Jia was indifferent. She knew clearly that this child was merely a tool for Liu Qin Ye to keep her.
It is said that no mother in this world does not love her child. However, Xie Qin Jia did not have much affection for Zhao Jiang He back then. It was just that he was sensible from a young age, knew how to coax people, and at just over a year old, he would hold her leg and call her "Mama."
Although Xie Qin Jia was still not very warm towards him, she could no longer hate him as she did before. Later, she did not have much contact with Zhao Jiang He before Xing Sha took her back.
Xing Sha had hypnotized her, so naturally, she could not know what she had gone through back then.
After Xie Qin Jia finished recalling, Xing Sha vaguely had an answer. "When you were pregnant with A Zheng, did it remind you of that time?"
Memories could be temporarily suppressed and not recalled, but the shadows lingering in the subconscious would not easily disappear. Before carrying Xing Zheng, Xing Sha did not know that Xie Qin Jia's pregnancy symptoms would be so severe.
When she was pregnant with Xing Yan, she had almost no abnormalities, except for increased sleepiness and appetite. There were no other discomforts. If she had known she would suffer so much, Xing Sha would never have let her have a second child.
After Xing Yan was born, Xing Sha began to consider having a second child. Although the couple had not discussed it, Xie Qin Jia did not mind when Xing Sha did not take precautions.
When Xing Yan was just over two years old, Xie Qin Jia became pregnant with Xing Zheng again. In the early stages of pregnancy, her symptoms were already severe. She often vomited and threw tantrums at night. Whenever she felt unwell, she would say she didn't want the child. Xing Sha took it as her being petulant and could only patiently persuade her. When she didn't listen, he would personally feed her, and only when he saw her eat would he be satisfied.
During that period, Xing Sha stopped going to work and stayed by Xie Qin Jia's side, taking care of her. Everyone said he was a very dutiful husband, and Xing Sha naturally believed so. Only now, knowing the truth, did he realize how ridiculous his actions were back then.
Xie Qin Jia's pregnancy was filled with actions by Xing Sha that were identical to Liu Qin Ye's back then, leaving indelible shadows in her heart. However, Xie Qin Jia loved Xing Sha, and she couldn't hate him. Therefore, she logically transferred all the hatred from her subconscious onto the life in her womb.
If he hadn't come, her marriage with Xing Sha would have been very perfect. Having one son, Xing Yan, would have been enough.
The transfer of hatred was very successful. After Xing Zheng was born, she was unwilling to look at him more. Xing Sha named him, and she was even unwilling to breastfeed him, eventually resorting to formula feeding.
It was even more so during his growth. She had hardly given him any opportunities to communicate. Moreover, Xing Zheng's personality was different from Zhao Jiang He's. He was always taciturn and could not actively please or appease her as Zhao Jiang He did when he was young. Consequently, the relationship between mother and son grew worse and worse, and it completely erupted due to the abnormal car accident back then, eventually evolving to the current state.
Xie Qin Jia couldn't quite describe how she felt now. She felt guilty, but she and Xing Zheng had never had any communication on a familial level, nor had they lived together. To talk about love would be too illusory.
Even with blood ties, without the bond of living together, the relationship remains suspended. She couldn't suddenly develop maternal love for him, like she had for Xing Yan, just because she remembered the past.
Lin Mei woke up from a dream again, covered in cold sweat. She sat up abruptly, knocking over the glass by her bedside. The glass shattered into several pieces, sounding particularly jarring in the quiet room.
She stared intently. The space beside her was empty. The sense of dread and emptiness within her was amplified infinitely. It felt as if something behind her was about to swallow her. She covered her ears, tears falling, and began to sob.
When Xing Zheng returned to the ward, he saw this scene. Before he could step forward, Lin Mei had already rolled off the bed. Seeing him, her emotions became very agitated. "Why did you take so long? I was scared."
She fell onto the floor, her forehead hitting a corner of the hospital bed. A red mark immediately appeared on her fair skin, swelling up. Xing Zheng picked her up and gently rubbed her forehead.
The several knife scars on her face had just scabbed over, and now there was a new injury on her forehead. Her beautiful face was so ravaged that there was hardly any part of it left unharmed.
His chest ached. His hot fingers touched her face, coincidentally brushing against one of the knife scars. The person who had been quiet in his arms suddenly flinched violently and struggled fiercely. "Don't touch me, don't touch me at all!"
"Did I hurt you?" Xing Zheng stopped. "I'll carry you to bed, be good."
"I don't need you to. Let go of me." She still refused to listen and broke free, losing her balance and almost falling again.