The pain of losing a loved one, the pain of being betrayed, burned like a fierce fire in my heart and my eyes.
In this "home," I had to endure the "professional courses" every day with all my might. I knew it was a necessary path, I couldn't complain, and I had no one to complain to. Among the living things around me, I could only consider an eagle as my sole comfort.
Now, I had lost my only solace.
My eyes felt hot.
Even though I was subdued by Shieba and held firmly to the ground, I still couldn't control my hands from turning into claws, my sharp nails digging deep into the soil.
Apart from the marks on his neck, Illumi had no other injuries. He sat up, cradling his neck, and looked at me as he coughed softly.
Those were vacant black eyes, devoid of any guilt.
If I could make a sound, I would have cursed Illumi to death, that damned, despicable bastard. But I couldn't, because I was mute.
I could only stare at him hatefully. If looks could kill, I'm sure he would have died countless times by now.
"Oh, no, Mels." Kikyo arrived late, "Were you trying to kill your own brother just now?"
Ah, yes, according to the original story, shouldn't you say, "I'm so glad you've become so cold"?
However, I guessed wrong again. I had underestimated the comic characters here, thinking I could define them completely with a few labels.
"Just for an eagle?" Kikyo asked incredulously.
"..." I thought there was nothing more to say between us.
"Have you calmed down, Mels?" Shieba slightly loosened his grip. "You should have learned not to make futile attempts."
My anger still burning, I deliberately struggled, so Shieba increased the pressure. "Don't resist someone stronger than you. It's not only meaningless but will also cause you more harm, even cost you your life."
I am a weak person, lazy and afraid of pain.
But I also have moments of extreme impulsiveness, like my last leap in the "real world." In a fit of emotion, I wasn't afraid of shattering.
Shieba's warning was useless; instead, it stirred up my rare rebellious spirit. Like a fish out of water, I struggled desperately, almost giving up, but with the vast difference in strength between Shieba and me, I was a hundred times more powerless than the monkey pressed under the Five Elements Mountain.
Struggling without regard for the consequences was futile and unproductive. I quickly exhausted my last ounce of strength under Shieba's hold, unable to even budge a single finger of his.
I hated my weakness, just like in the "real world."
Conclusion: I'm useless. So be it.
It doesn't matter anymore.
I am weak, and my rage is limited; it will burn out quickly.
Shieba released his hold on me. I was already drained and collapsed on the ground, unable to get up for the moment.
"Illumi." Standing up, Shieba questioned the little brat, "Why did you kill Mels' eagle? If you wanted to stop the eagle, you could have hit its wings. In terms of body proportion, it's much easier to injure the wings than the torso."
Yes, he could have chosen to attack its wings, but he chose to kill it.
"?" Illumi looked very surprised by Shieba's question, so much so that he needed a moment to think before replying, "Can't I kill it?"
Illumi answered a question with a question, and it seemed his confusion was no less than mine. This bastard, just like in the original setting, is a complete scumbag, a failure, a damned person without any sympathy.
Truly a villain character whose only redeeming quality is his face.
Getting rid of him early would be equivalent to benefiting all of humanity.
"No," Shieba continued to ask Illumi, "Do you know that this eagle was Mels' favorite thing, right?"
"Yes," Illumi answered truthfully. "I know. I can compensate you fully."
Compensate?!
How can you compensate?!
Can you afford to compensate?!!!!!!!!!!
"How much money will it take, sister?" Illumi asked me.
Do you think money can solve all problems? As expected of you, Illumi, you can even say such trash talk.
In the "real world," I was indeed short of money. If given enough money, I could probably "forgive" most harms.
No, that wasn't forgiveness, just biting my tongue after weighing the pros and cons.
It couldn't erase my resentment.
Here, after turning three, the Zoldycks started giving me pocket money, a hundred thousand Jenny every week. But I had food and drink, and Kikyo bought me so many clothes that I couldn't wear them all even if I changed them daily. I couldn't think of any use for my pocket money, so I haven't used a single cent to this day.
Even if Illumi were like in some fanfictions, a stingy person who never spent money, he is a year younger than me. His total pocket money would be less than mine by one year's worth, so he definitely wouldn't have more money than me.
No, no matter how much money he has, I don't care.
Go to hell!
"No, it's not like that, you're wrong, Illumi," Shieba said sternly, teaching him. "You didn't just kill an eagle; you hurt your sister's feelings."
"?" Illumi carefully examined my expression, then realized with a sudden understanding, "En, I get it! We need to add emotional damages to the compensation. Am I right, Dad?"
Emotional damages?!
Don't make me laugh!!!!!!!!!!
This scumbag really doesn't know that some things can't be solved with money.
Ordinary curses seem weak when used to curse him.
"..." Shieba didn't answer him directly and continued to ask, "How much money have you prepared? How much can you take out?"
"I can use all my pocket money to pay you back," Illumi said with an innocent face. "If it's not enough, I can add my future earnings, and I can pay in installments. I can also add interest for the delay."
You're not innocent at all! You goddamn deserve to die!!!
"This is not wrong, but this is how you treat 'others.' You need to distinguish between them," Shieba told him. "Mels is different. She is your sister, your family. The harm done to family cannot be easily compensated with money."
Heh, Shieba, even you know that money is actually the cheapest way to compensate. You're at least a character with basic common sense, so I hope when you promote "family harmony and love," you don't make me and my eagle bear your educational costs.
I wish you would tell me the truth: am I truly the nourishment that helps Illumi grow?
"..." Illumi was very, very surprised.
He really is a scumbag.
"Do you know what you did wrong?" Shieba asked him.
"En, I know," Illumi's comprehension was very high. Without Shieba having to say more, he proactively bowed his head towards me. "I'm sorry, I was wrong. I shouldn't have intentionally broken my sister's things."
He admitted it was intentional. I wasn't wrong; he truly is a scumbag.
"..." I never liked the existence of "brothers" in the first place.
In the "real world," my mother didn't like her brother.
And I'm the same; I don't like my brother in the "real world."
However, the reason my mother and I dislike our respective brothers is different. She resented extreme patriarchal preference, while I was disappointed by the product of my father's marital infidelity.
The existence of "brothers" has left me with no good impressions, whether in the "real world" or here.
Perhaps this is my fated destiny.
I hate my "brother," I hate Illumi.
"Mels," Shieba asked me this time, "How do you want to forgive Illumi?"
Forgive?
Why should I forgive?
Why do I have to forgive?
It's hilarious. Shieba, you probably don't know that people like Illumi will never reflect or regret because that's his character setting in the original.
"What do I need to do for my sister to forgive me?" Illumi asked immediately, his voice full of curiosity.
Forgiveness?
One needs qualification to receive forgiveness.
There are many people in this world who are not worth forgiving, Illumi, and you are one of them.
I remembered that in the original story, a guy named "Hisoka" would later ask, half-jokingly, if he could kill Killua. At that moment, Illumi would instantly lose his usual calm, his killing intent bursting forth, wanting to kill Hisoka immediately.
I use this example to say that Illumi, if I kill your most cherished brother, Killua, in the future, can you forgive me?
You certainly can't. You'd want to kill me at all costs, right?
Then you and I are the same. I also have the right not to forgive you.
"En?" Illumi, seeking an answer, walked closer to me.
If this brat gets any closer, I'll definitely kill him.
Still lying on the ground, I suddenly lunged, my claw-like hands reaching for him.
Just as I was about to touch the tip of his nose, an invisible, immense force compressed my entire nervous system and muscles. Fear surging from the depths of my soul engulfed me, forcing me back onto the ground.
I wanted to get up, but my body refused to obey. My whole body was trembling.
It was instinct, the instinct of a creature sensing extreme danger.
This was not ordinary fear of death, but a fear that transcended cognition, requiring no reason or interpretation. It was the personification of "fear," like an abyss that humans cannot gaze upon directly, lest they go mad and die.
My teeth chattered, a sharp ringing filled my ears, and my will was on the verge of complete collapse.
Cold sweat and hot sweat poured out, soaking my clothes, which clung to my skin.
Using all my strength and remaining will, I could barely turn my eyeballs to look at the source of this terror—Shieba Zoldyck.
His tall, strong physique, his hard, defined features, his beast-like vertical pupils were enough to be oppressive when he looked down at someone.
When you add to that the bottomless killing intent accumulated from years as a professional assassin, and... I don't know if he's using the special ability "Nen" mentioned in the original story. According to the settings, "Nen" can easily destroy ordinary people; it's a decisive power. This power is quite unreasonable; just a little bit can crush the will of an unsuspecting ordinary person.
In the original story, the future Illumi would abuse this power, repeatedly crushing his younger brother Killua's will, making Killua, who didn't know what "Nen" was, obedient to him. As a result, Killua feared him the most among the Zoldycks and considered him his most terrifying psychological shadow.
I dislike violence, especially the one-sided "violence" of the strong against the weak. I've endured enough of it in the "real world."
To deal with a brat like me, who hasn't even left the thatched hut, Shieba's strength probably doesn't require a higher level of "Nen." Right now, he's likely only using a portion of his killing intent.
This feeling is truly... terrifying. I can somewhat understand how Killua, in the original story, felt sweat pouring down his face when facing Illumi.
Illumi wants Killua to obey completely, so he instills terror.
Shieba wants me to recognize the current situation and be sensible, so he gives me appropriate deterrence.
He hasn't even used half, no, one-tenth of his power, has he? Perhaps even less.
I think if he didn't control his strength a bit, I would be unable to bear it and die on the spot.
"Mels," he then issued a verbal warning.
The strong, huh?
What's so great about that?
The strong have many things they cannot let go of: pride, self-esteem, honor, and so on.
The weak have nothing but a life that is not worth mentioning. They have no fear of losing.
Yes, I have nothing. This body was given to me by them, and my will is often manipulated by others. If you remove what others have given me, what is left of me?
Oh, I know: hostility, resistance. These are the only things others don't want to see in me.
A "corporate slave" should be domesticated, like livestock that only knows to work obediently.
["You ungrateful wretch!!!!"]
I remember that whenever I resisted, my mother in the "real world" would be so furious she'd want to beat me to death, primarily through scolding, with occasional physical action.
Here, Madam Kikyo's method is primarily whipping, with gentle words as a supplement.
Honestly, I dislike both.
Come on, let me see Shieba's reaction. I really want to know if he will get angry, if he will want to kill me.
When hatred reaches its extreme, I can find my own joy in the distorted face of the other due to their anger.
Ignoring Shieba's warning, I resisted more fiercely.
My vision blurred, the ground seemed to sway, the ringing in my ears drowned out all other sounds. A bone-chilling coldness, like a thousand long nails, pierced every pore of my body. I felt warm liquid flowing from my nose, likely nosebleed.
The pressure around me suddenly disappeared, and my body floated. I realized Shieba had grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and lifted me to his eye level.
My head felt numb; I couldn't hear anything.
"Mels."
Through Shieba's lips moving, I knew he was saying my name, the name he personally gave "me." I felt he was calling a dog he raised.
Unfortunately, this dog has rabies and is out of control, wanting to harm the master's entire family.
He raised his free hand to wipe the blood from my nose, but I bit his index finger first, hard.
My mouth was full of blood. I later realized it was my slightly loose baby teeth that had chipped.
Shieba's body, trained to the peak of perfection, was incredibly tough.
At best, I only tickled him.
His calm gaze infuriated me. I turned my hands into claws and swiped at his eyes, but he didn't dodge, not even blinking.
In his eyes, my actions must have been ridiculously slow, so he had long judged that with my arm length, I wouldn't be able to reach him.
No, Shieba, I will not forgive Illumi. I will never forgive Illumi. He is a scumbag who doesn't know repentance, unworthy of forgiveness.
My efforts to stretch my arm, to swipe my claws again and again, were in vain, always just a little short.
I am not even as good as a gentle breeze; at least a breeze can move his hair, while I can't even touch a single strand of his hair.
Until I was exhausted and lowered my hands, Shieba's hand, holding my collar, remained steady and unwavering.
"Is it over?" Shieba asked.
A seemingly provocative question.
I squeezed out my last bit of strength and resentfully swung my hand towards him... I no longer had the energy to maintain the claw form.
"..." I drooped my head powerlessly, looking at a small patch of semi-dried blood on the ground.
The body they gave me had excellent healing abilities. The bleeding gums had long stopped, as had the nosebleed.
"See, Illumi? How angry your sister is about your actions," Shieba said. "Do you know what you should do?"
"...En," Illumi's voice was flat, lacking emotional inflection. "I know. I will try my best to seek my sister's forgiveness."
I don't need it. I don't need anything. Please just leave me alone.
I really wanted to say that.
But Shieba put me back on the ground. The moment my feet finally touched solid ground, my vision went black, and I fainted.