"I'll accompany you."
Zheng Yu insisted on going along. Gu Yi nodded silently, and the two walked to the room. The newborn child was still asleep, quiet and peaceful.
Gu Yi walked to the cradle, stopped, and gazed at the child that had tormented A'Fu for three hours. After a long moment, he sighed softly, reached out, and stroked the child's cheek. Seeing her smacking her lips, his lips finally curved upwards.
"Very cute," Zheng Yu said softly, stepping forward from behind Gu Yi and looking at the child in the cradle.
Gu Yi's hand, which was still in mid-air, paused. He lowered his gaze and casually let his hand fall. "Indeed, very cute."
"Let's go back to the room," Zheng Yu said, placing her hands on Gu Yi's shoulders. "You don't look well. Shall I have Miss Lu come and examine you?"
"No need. Miss Lu should have returned to the manor," Gu Yi shook his head. "I'll go to the Lu manor later to see Xuan'er and report his safety to my brother-in-law."
"Then I'll have Wuji escort you. I still have official duties at the county office," Zheng Yu said with a hint of guilt. There had indeed been a lot of official business lately, and she couldn't fulfill her promise of more companionship after their wedding.
"It's alright. You go ahead and attend to your business. Wuji escorting me is fine. Official duties are important," Gu Yi was not someone who blurred the lines between public and private matters. He forced a smile.
He wished he could return Zheng Yu's smile as usual, but he truly couldn't smile right now.
"Master, Lord Liu has arrived and is waiting for you at the county office," Wuji's voice came from outside the door.
"Go ahead," Gu Yi squeezed Zheng Yu's hand, signaling that he was fine.
Fearing to disturb the baby inside, Zheng Yu led Gu Yi out of the room. "Wuji, you don't need to come back with me. Stay with Yi'er and escort him to the Lu manor before returning."
"Yes." Wuji bowed in acknowledgment, not disobeying Zheng Yu's command.
After bidding farewell to Gu Yitong, Gu Yi got into the carriage and was escorted by Wuji to the Lu manor.
"Young Master Gu is here?"
Although Gu Yi was married to Zheng Yu, those who knew him before and were friendly with him still called him Young Master Gu, just like A'Da.
"A'Da, I've come to see Xuan'er." Gu Yi held a box of pastries and walked quickly towards A'Da.
"What an unfortunate coincidence." A'Da's face was filled with regret. "My husband, the master, stayed up all night worrying about A'Fu. He only fell asleep after hearing the master report his safety."
"Then I'll be going back."
Gu Yi nodded, handed the pastries in his hand to A'Da, and turned to leave.
For some reason, A'Da felt that Gu Yi was different from usual today, appearing quite sad.
Gu Yi sat in the carriage, feeling the jolting motion, his mind constantly replaying Zheng Yu's words from earlier.
"Very cute..."
She—liked children very much.
Gu Yi's brows furrowed, his eyes slightly red. She liked children, and she should have children…
But A'Fu's final, hoarse cries also lingered in his mind, as did the soaked clothes and bedding, the pale face when she fainted from pain. Every scene was deeply etched in his memory.
He was afraid.
Upon returning to the Zheng manor, Gu Yi did not go to Zheng Chen's bedroom to chat with him as usual but went directly to his own room.
Zheng Chen did not disturb him, thinking he must have been exhausted from waiting outside all night and wanting him to rest more.
Gu Yi sat alone on the bed, his mind in utter disarray. The first time he saw that child, he had wanted to cry, to cry out for his brother-in-law.
He admitted he was timid and scared.
But he had married Zheng Yu, married the person he loved most, married the one who promised him a lifetime with only one partner. How could he be so selfish?
He should leave her a child.
This was something almost every man in this world had to experience. Others could endure it, his brother-in-law could, Xuan'er could. Why should he shrink back out of fear?
Gu Yi engaged in an internal struggle, constantly brainwashing himself.
It's okay, it's okay, he could do it too.
But when Zheng Yu returned in the evening and wanted to be intimate with him, he actually retreated. He actually retreated…
Zheng Yu, seeing his poor complexion, assumed he hadn't rested well.
"Your complexion is not good. Did you not sleep today?" Zheng Yu stroked Gu Yi's shoulder, helping him lie down, and reached for the quilt on the side to cover him. "Rest well. I won't bother you for these couple of days."
Hearing this, Gu Yi felt an inexplicable sense of relief.
He felt ashamed of his own reaction, turning away in sadness, pouting, and biting his lip.
Zheng Yu, exhausted from discussing matters with officials during the day, did not notice Gu Yi's emotions, thinking he was simply tired. She got out of bed, blew out the candle, and gently patted his back to help him fall asleep.
Listening to Zheng Yu's steady breathing behind him, Gu Yi almost shed tears. The better Zheng Yu treated him, the more guilty he felt about his current thoughts.
This thought, like a newly planted vine, grew wildly in his mind. Several times when he visited Shen Xuan at the Shen manor, he wanted to ask Lu Yu to check if she was pregnant or to get some short-term contraceptives.
But he couldn't bring himself to say it as soon as he saw Shen Xuan's eight-month pregnant belly.
He could use short-term contraceptives to delay pregnancy due to his fear of childbirth, but Shen Xuan was about to give birth. If she knew he was afraid to have children after hearing and seeing A'Fu give birth, wouldn't that intensify her own fear?
Gu Yi considered all aspects, but he forgot one thing.
Perhaps Shen Xuan had long known the horrors of childbirth, but she wanted a child even more.
For more than ten days since A'Fu gave birth and returned to the Zheng manor, he had not allowed Zheng Yu to touch him. Every time it came to that point, the scene of A'Fu's screams during childbirth would involuntarily surface in his mind, and his body would push Zheng Yu away uncontrollably.
His complexion had been poor for several days. Zheng Yu thought he was unwell and showed him concern daily, not forcing him to do things he didn't want to do. Zheng Chen also came to his room to chat with him, seeing that he didn't want to go out these days.
Gu Yi felt like he was going mad.
The fear of childbirth, the guilt towards Zheng Yu, the self-loathing for his reaction, and the frustration of having no one to confide in were all crushing him.
In the blink of an eye, another year was almost over.
On November 29th, Shen Xuan suddenly went into labor.
Lu Yu had originally expected the due date to be in early December, but it turned out to be a week earlier.
Lu Yu was momentarily flustered but quickly regained her composure, giving calm instructions to A'Da to prepare for the delivery.
Since A'Fu gave birth, Lu Yu had shifted her research focus to this area for the past two months.
She had found a reliable midwife in advance, took full charge of all the medications, and formulated a plan based on Shen Xuan's physique. She had also ensured that Shen Xuan had no contact with the so-called "childbirth-assisting pill."