Zisu opened her mouth, but nothing came out.
Children were indeed a problem, let alone two. Both needed constant attention. Not wanting Li Fulang to feel sad or disappointed, Zisu spoke softly, "It doesn't matter where we celebrate the Lantern Festival. With these two children accompanying us this year, it should be even happier."
"Yes, the most important thing for a festival is one's state of mind," Li Fulang agreed with Zisu's words. "You'll be busy tomorrow, hurry back."
Zisu acknowledged, then looked up at Wu Shao. Seeing Wu Shao looking at her simultaneously, she flusteredly avoided his gaze. Remembering her purpose for looking up, she braced herself and nodded slightly.
After bidding them farewell, Zisu walked back to the alley alone and returned home.
As she reached her doorstep, Zisu paused with her hand on the gate. Her eyelashes drooped, and after a long moment, she slowly turned her head to look at the alley entrance. It was already empty; they had all left.
Hearing her father's voice in the courtyard, Zisu snapped back to attention, hurriedly pushed open the gate, and entered the house.
"Jian'er, come eat." Hearing Zisu open the door, her father showed no surprise. He kept his head down, arranging bowls and chopsticks.
"Dad, I'll do it," Zisu quickly stepped forward, pushing the thoughts from her mind, and helped her father serve the rice.
They ate in silence, and it was Zisu's father who broke the quiet.
"Jian'er, ask Wu girl's brother to bring the children over the night after tomorrow. Although my old bones aren't good for much else, I'm quite good at coaxing children."
Zisu froze in her seat, looking at her father, her mouth opening, unsure how to react.
"What are you nervous about?" Zisu's father chuckled, seeing his flustered appearance, and gently patted his head like when he was a child. "Dad didn't mean to overhear."
"That's not what I meant," Zisu lowered her eyes, pursed her lips, and mumbled.
"I know that's not what you meant, Dad is just telling you."
Zisu's father sighed softly. "I saw it was getting dark and worried about you, so I stood outside the gate waiting for you. I happened to see Wu girl and her brother sending you back. I thought I'd go greet you, and accidentally overheard Wu girl's brother's words. I didn't disturb them and just came back."
"Jian'er, you've changed. You've become more reserved, more timid, and less happy than before."
The atmosphere suddenly became silent. Zisu's lips moved, but she remained quiet, not knowing what to say, and focused on staring at her toes.
"Jian'er, Dad hopes you can be happy," Zisu's father's voice lowered slightly. "You are different from Dad; you still have a chance to pursue your own happiness."
Hearing this, Zisu's eyelashes trembled, and her fingers clenched slightly. She remained silent.
"Dad doesn't insist that you get married, I just don't want you to be alone in this world after I'm gone."
"Dad, don't talk like that," Zisu's voice was extremely fast and light, as if the event wouldn't happen if she just refuted it quickly enough.
"Aging, sickness, and death are natural laws; everyone experiences them. They cannot be avoided," Zisu's father put down the rag he was holding and sat on the stool patiently to talk with him.
"Jian'er, I've met Wu girl. From her words and actions, I can see her character," Zisu's father paused. "Dad thinks Wu girl is very good."
"Jian'er, life is always about looking forward. Dwelling on the past not only traps yourself but also puts pressure on the person from the past. It's not worth it. The person from the past surely wants you to be happy too."
"Don't avoid it, be brave and try to connect with her."
After saying this, Zisu's father didn't linger. He picked up the rag and wiped the table. Zisu wanted to help, but he refused again.
"Jian'er, think about it carefully. Dad won't force you."
Zisu slowly stood up alone, looking at her father's busy back in the kitchen, thinking about his words, her eyes gradually reddening.
Seeing her father about to turn from the kitchen, Zisu quickly turned her head away and returned to the room.
He was about to turn twenty. In ordinary families, men his age would already have children running around, but he was still alone.
The room was empty. He wasn't afraid of loneliness; he had always been this way since childhood. But he was afraid his father would think he was lonely.
Try?
Once this thought appeared in his mind, it could no longer disappear.
Wu Shao was indeed very good. She had a good temperament, a good heart, was at a suitable age, and her appearance was not bad. But he, apart from a good appearance, was inferior to her in everything.
Wu Shao was the daughter of a respectable farming family. He was a man who had lived in a brothel and performed since childhood.
Wu Shao had apprenticed under Miss Lu and was diligent and studious, constantly improving. She was destined to become a renowned doctor. As for him, he could only perform in brothels his entire life. He was currently the top performer thanks to his looks and talent, but how long could this livelihood, dependent on appearance and age, last?
Although most men in families were supported by their wives, those were men from good families. What right did he have?
Wu Shao had liked him from the beginning, but he had already fallen for someone else earlier in his heart.
Not to mention he was three years older than Wu Shao. Three years—
No matter how he looked at it, he was ultimately not good enough for her.
"Tomorrow, tell Wu girl's brother that I can help him coax the children and let him come to watch the lantern festival the day after tomorrow."
Before going to sleep, Zisu's father looked up at him, who was still lost in thought, left a sentence, and turned to sleep.
In the darkness, Zisu slowly nodded, her thoughts still drifting.
In the afternoon, before going to the brothel, Zisu's father reminded him again, "Don't forget. I haven't held a child in a long time."
It was only when he entered the brothel that Zisu realized he couldn't possibly do this. Li Fulang wouldn't be coming today, so how could he tell him?
As the performance time in the brothel drew closer, the seats on both floors were completely full.
When Wu Shao arrived, she could only squeeze into a small corner. She hadn't dared to book a conspicuous seat, fearing Zisu would feel uncomfortable.
Zisu indeed hadn't noticed her. After the performance, as she was about to go down to change, she was called by a colleague from the same establishment, who pointed to Wu Shao's seat and told her she had come again.
"Hurry up and say hello to her. She comes to watch you often, for several hours at a time."
Pushed by the man beside him, Zisu turned back unnaturally, wanting to go change first, but she was called by her.
"Wu girl," Zisu didn't step forward, but from a few steps away, she slightly crouched and bowed.
Wu Shao wanted to step forward, but Zisu stopped her, retreating several steps. "Wu girl, please allow me to go back to my room and change first."
Without waiting for her reply, Zisu turned and walked away, a rudeness she had never shown before.