Chapter 261: Chapter 51: The Present Moment
"I think she might not actually like alchemy."
Bologue commented coldly, and Teda looked at him in confusion, unable to understand why Bologue would say such a thing.
"You’ve seen her talent, and you acknowledge it too," Teda said.
Putting aside Aimou’s extremely special identity, she truly is the best student Teda has encountered over the years. As an Alchemy Puppet, she possesses an innate keen sensitivity to the Alchemy Matrix.
"Yes, indeed, there’s no doubt about that." Bologue nodded, the Deceitful Snake Scale Liquid perfectly matched his abilities, and Bologue loved it dearly.
"But these two things don’t conflict," Bologue muttered, then asked, "Have you ever raised a dog?"
"I had one when I was young."
Teda grew increasingly confused, as it was always like this when chatting with Bologue, with topics jumping rapidly.
"Then you should understand, the dog strictly adheres to all your commands... But this doesn’t mean the dog is very smart or that it knows how to execute your commands. It simply knows that if it does so, you’ll pat it, nothing more."
Bologue said with a feigned relaxed demeanor, and Teda, listening on the side, gradually had his expression darken.
"Just a joke, don’t mind it," Bologue added.
Teda snorted coldly, saying nothing, the two conversing like outlaws speaking in a code only they could understand.
"I’m very rational, I can control myself, what about you?" Teda turned back and whispered.
"Me? I don’t care, it doesn’t concern me," Bologue admitted honestly. Only Teda was entangled, nearing the point where he couldn’t distinguish things clearly, whereas Bologue was not troubled by such issues.
Teda didn’t respond, not knowing what he was thinking, but from Bologue’s probing, Bologue increasingly sensed the complexity within.
It’s truly vexing.
"Do you have any plans for the Vow Festival?" Bologue asked, leaning against the wall.
"I’m going out for the Vow Festival," Teda said.
"Where to?"
"Personal matters, nothing to do with you."
"Oh, so I’ll be on duty alone for the Vow Festival then."
Bologue murmured, his gaze scanning around the room until it landed on Aimou through the glass.
Her facial expressions were minimal, primarily conveying emotions through the halo in her eyes, but Bologue still sensed a serious attitude from her, with a brilliant light trail rising and swirling in her hands.
Bologue thought, many years ago, there must have been a girl similar to Aimou, studying earnestly under Teda’s watch, and though time has flown by and everything seems different, yet somehow unchanged.
"So, what do you truly think, Teda?"
Bologue asked himself, "This feeling must be unbearable, right? She resembles your daughter so much, you could even say she’s a projection of your daughter’s shadow, but you are well aware that she is not Alice. No matter what, Aimou is not her..."
The voice paused, and Bologue tried to articulate that twisted, conflicted emotion but found himself at a loss for words.
Then, as if waking from a sudden realization, Bologue looked at Teda with astonishment.
"Yes, you knew all this from the start, aware of these forbidden principles, so why did you create her to resemble your daughter? To use her as a way of coping? Yet, when she truly came to life, you began to fear, fearing the blurring of her tool-like essence."
Teda remained silent, turning his head slightly, his profile concealed in shadow, but Bologue could clearly perceive the gaze within, sharp as a sword.
"It’s like... an illusory sun."
Bologue, unfazed, almost seemed to be compelling Teda to admit everything, continued speaking.
"The death of Alice plunged you into a cold winter night, so you desperately needed a sun. You succeeded, you created another sun, but as she emitted light and heat, you paradoxically became more fearful.
I think it’s not just about blurring her essence as a tool, is it?"
Bologue walked towards Teda, the distance between them gradually closing, like tigers meeting on a narrow path, the atmosphere tense and heavy.
With teal eyes gazing down at Teda, Bologue thought but did not say anything, merely looking at Teda expressionlessly.
"What is it you truly want to say, Bologue?" Teda responded coldly.
"Solve the problem."
Bologue waved his hand dismissively, speaking casually.
"I don’t like this feeling of suspension, your hesitations only complicate the problem further, it’s like avoiding the issue, and evasion won’t solve these matters."
"So what do you think I should do? Aimou is just an Alchemy Puppet, she is not a true human being, the true human was Alice!" Teda shouted angrily.
"Hmm? Then do you think I count as human?" Bologue suddenly countered.
Teda was stunned, finding it hard to keep up with Bologue’s leaping train of thought.
"Yes, humans are flesh and blood, not alchemy shells, so Aimou is not human. But humans also die, whereas I do not. Does that still make me human? This kind of thinking is too limiting.
"I think, what determines us is not the difference of our shells, but the inner self beneath the shell."
Bologue explained his understanding of humanity.
"When you think Aimou is human, then she is human."
Teda was silent for a long time, staring into those blue eyes, and questioned, "Are you defending Aimou?"
"Probably, it’s strange, I actually feel a bit... sympathetic towards her."
Recalling the time spent with Aimou, Bologue did not avoid the question and admitted frankly, "Of course, the more important point is that we need to solve the problem."
Solving the problem, that is what Bologue needs to do. As a rational observer, only he can end it all.
"I understand your thoughts, Teda, Aimou is too much like Alice, you instinctively want to pour your feelings into her, but you also remind yourself, she is not Alice.
You can’t treat her cruelly, tell her this harsh truth, nor can you be cruel to yourself and sever all feelings completely."
Bologue suddenly switched to another topic, asking Teda.
"If your research ultimately ends in failure, Teda, what would you do then?"
For a moment, Teda didn’t know what to say; he hadn’t thought about such a future.
"Is it acknowledging Aimou’s existence, or..."
Bologue didn’t continue, as if uttering a forbidden curse, if spoken, this dark fate would become reality.
"I know what I’m doing, and I’ve never wavered," Teda’s voice was emotionless, "and you’ve crossed the line, Bologue; we’re just collaborators."
"If you have time during the Vow Festival, go back to the Order Bureau and visit Belli," Bologue completely ignored Teda’s threat, "although she may seem that way... she genuinely worries about you. I haven’t crossed the line; I was just commissioned by her to keep an eye on you."
The two of them locked eyes, with a slight smile on Bologue’s face, he continued.
"Have you seen me fight, Teda?"
Teda shook his head; he was used to Bologue’s damned way of thinking and wouldn’t be surprised by anything he said next.
"I’m a straightforward person, I hate twists and turns. If there’s a wall in front of me, I’ll smash it; if there’s someone, I’ll chop them down."
Bologue expressed his peculiar life perspective.
"So, I’m actually quite honest."
Teda very much agreed with this point—Bologue was too honest; few people with a mental disorder openly admit to being mentally ill while trying to reason with others seriously.
"Most importantly, I’m a person who lives in the moment. I believe if you have feelings, you should definitely express them; keeping them inside, saving them till the end, only results in a mess."
"Are you lecturing me?" Teda laughed angrily at Bologue’s condescending tone.
"Shut up, Teda, how old are you this year?" Bologue scrutinized Teda’s wrinkled cheek, "Fifty? Sixty? Strictly speaking, I’m already over ninety; there’s nothing wrong with teaching the younger generation from a senior’s perspective, is there?"
No problem? There was quite a problem; saying this, Bologue couldn’t help but laugh.
He completely disregarded Teda’s murderous gaze and continued, "I had a good friend who was very good to me. I wanted to repay her kindness, had accumulated a lot of emotions, but before I could say anything, she passed away, leaving these emotions nowhere to be placed..."
Bologue appeared somewhat melancholic, trying his best to describe the friendship with Adelle more beautifully; thus, he did not say that those emotions, with nowhere to go, turned into uncontrollable rage.
"From then on, I made a change, no longer looking forward to later, and only focusing on the present.
If I like someone, I will immediately tell her I like you. If I hate someone, I will also immediately smash his head, never leaving it for the next day.
So, do you understand what I mean?"
Bologue exuded considerable pressure, even though he was just a Condenser, while Teda was a Negative Power User.
Teda looked deeply at Bologue, who slowly backed away and said with an indifferent tone.
"Be honest, life will feel much easier that way."
Teda didn’t know what to say; perhaps Bologue was indeed a philosopher, or maybe truly a critically ill madman. When faced with his words, Teda was left defenseless.
Seeing no response to his inquiry, Bologue expected this; if a few words could sway Teda, he would have underestimated how deep Teda was engulfed in this vortex.
Bologue turned and walked towards the glass window. Through it, he could see Aimou busily working indoors, and his voice slowly rang out.
"Have you ever considered her thoughts? She thinks that by earnestly learning Alchemy, she will gain your attention, but you are as unpredictable as the sky, sometimes drizzly, sometimes thundering."
Bologue recalled previous conversations with Aimou.
"She can’t figure out what she did wrong, because she did nothing wrong; it’s you who are avoiding the problem."
Bologue turned back to look at Teda, delivering the final blow.
"Or is she just a tool, and you don’t need to care about the thoughts of a tool?"
Teda did not respond; he silently left, fleeing in defeat.