Chapter 47: The shouting cultivator
The arena was noisy as usual, but today the noise was... strange.
It wasn’t cheering.
It wasn’t gossip.
It was just one voice, screaming again and again.
Li Ming rubbed his ears. "What in the heavens is that? Did someone step on a sword?"
The referee sighed. "That’s your opponent today. Good luck, kid."
When Li Ming stepped onto the stage, he finally saw him.
A skinny man with messy hair.
Two wooden sticks in his hands.
And a mouth so wide it looked like it could swallow the sun.
"MY NAME IS HU YANG!" the man roared. "I TRAIN BY SHOUTING AT THE SKY, THE EARTH, AND ALL LIVING THINGS!"
The audience groaned. Some disciples covered their ears.
"Oh no, it’s him again..."
"I heard he once shouted so loud a cow fainted."
"Last week he yelled at a chicken until it laid two eggs out of fear."
Li Ming sighed. "So... my opponent isn’t strong, he’s just loud? What am I fighting here, a cultivator or a broken gong?"
---
The Fight Begins
"BEGIN!" the referee shouted.
Hu Yang slammed his sticks together. CLACK!
Then he screamed: "DRAGON PUNCH OF THE HEAVENS!"
He ran at Li Ming and punched.
The punch was weak.
The speed was slow.
Even a snail could dodge it.
But the voice—oh, the voice!
It was so loud Li Ming’s hair stood up like a broom.
Li Ming stumbled back, covering his ears.
"Argh! Stop! Your fist is weak but your mouth is a weapon!"
Hu Yang grinned and screamed louder.
"EVERY WORD I SHOUT MAKES ME STRONGER!"
Li Ming shouted back, "EVERY WORD YOU SHOUT MAKES ME DUMBER!"
The crowd exploded with laughter.
---
Animal Sounds
Hu Yang spun his sticks. His face turned red.
"NOW YOU WILL SEE... MY ULTIMATE MOVE!"
The audience held their breath.
Hu Yang took a deep breath.
And then—
"ROOOAR!" he yelled like a lion.
"BAAAAH!" he yelled like a goat.
"QUACK QUACK QUACK!" he yelled like a duck.
The arena fell silent for two seconds.
Then the entire crowd burst out laughing.
One disciple rolled on the floor.
Another clutched his stomach.
Even the referee was hiding his face, shaking with laughter.
Li Ming pointed. "Wait... is this guy fighting me or auditioning for farm duty?"
Hu Yang jumped forward, screaming, "MOOOOOOO!"
Li Ming stepped aside. "Ah yes, the sacred cow technique. Truly dangerous."
The crowd howled.
"NEIGHHHHH!" shouted Hu Yang.
"HISS!" he hissed like a snake.
"WOOF WOOF!" he barked like a dog.
Li Ming’s face twitched. He suddenly crouched down and yelled, "MEOW!"
The audience lost it.
People were crying.
Even Lan Yue in the crowd had to cover her mouth to stop laughing.
Hu Yang froze, eyes wide. "HOW DARE YOU MOCK MY DIVINE TECHNIQUE!"
Li Ming shrugged. "Divine? Brother, that sounded like barnyard karaoke."
---
The Final Attack
Hu Yang’s face turned purple.
"FINE! I WILL USE... THE ULTIMATE ATTACK!"
He raised both sticks to the sky.
His voice grew louder. Louder. LOUDER.
"THE VOICE... OF... HEAVEN!"
He screamed so hard the roof tiles shook.
Birds flew away from the sect.
A disciple in the front row fainted from the sound.
But while Hu Yang was busy screaming his lungs out, Li Ming calmly walked up to him.
Then... BONK!
He tapped Hu Yang’s head with a finger.
Hu Yang collapsed like a sack of potatoes, his voice fading out.
"AAAAAAAAAhhhhhh..."
The referee waved his hand.
"Winner, Li Ming!"
The crowd cheered wildly.
Li Ming bowed. "Thank you, thank you. Please, next time, give me an opponent who doesn’t scream like a chicken in a thunderstorm."
---
Bonus Bit
That night, Li Ming was trying to sleep.
The tournament had been exhausting, and he just wanted peace.
But suddenly, from the pond outside—
"QUACK QUACK QUACK!"
Li Ming sat up, his face dark.
"Don’t tell me..."
He opened his window.
There was Hu Yang, practicing with ducks.
Every time a duck quacked, he shouted back twice as loud.
"QUACK!"
"QUACK QUACK!" Hu Yang answered.
Li Ming grabbed his pillow and hurled it out the window.
"GO HOME!"
Hu Yang caught the pillow, hugged it, and screamed,
"YOUR PILLOW HAS GIVEN ME NEW POWER!"
Li Ming slammed his window shut.
He buried his head under the blanket.
"I’m cursed. Completely cursed."
To be continued...