Chapter 29: Sadness, Anger, and Overcoming
"...Okay...just one step...I just need to get out..." I murmur in front of the door leading to the front of the castle. The door is quite large and very well-made, with finely carved details.
The wood itself is incredible, I bet it has an absurdly expensive price. I hold the doorknob as Eve behind me encourages me with a look, an excited look as I open the door.
I’m strangely nervous and scared to go out, a deep fear that is more psychological in nature. Neither I nor the original Evelyn have good memories of going out and facing the world.
"Oh..."
’This scenery is...so beautiful in reality.’ The garden in front of the castle is impressive. I see various incredible plants and flowers as I step outside. This will be the first time I’m going outside.
"Is there any problem, Evelyn-sama?" Eve asks with a smile as I take another step, the sound echoing slightly.
"No, I’m just...nervous...the scent of the flowers, the fresh air and the blooming view are so beautiful and comforting in a way..." I say a bit nervously, after all, it reminds me of my past life, my not-so-good and isolated life.
Each step I take is like "erasing" that horrible past, and that’s why I take these steps with a smile, trying to overcome the fear. Eve notices that I want space, so she remains silent without saying anything as I walk along the path.
My hands tremble a little as the nervousness makes me a bit agitated, but I continue. I don’t want to be a coward who just hides in the room, so I can only gather all the courage I can and explore this world.
After walking for 5 minutes, I arrive at the gate where there are some guards. They look at me and I look at them, and I must say that they don’t give me a good feeling.
"Open the gate," I say coldly, and they look at each other and soon open the gate. This immediately brings back an unpleasant memory from the original Evelyn’s past.
A memory of the original Evelyn when she was 9 years old and not yet so distrustful of everyone, a memory that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
...
...
...
"H-Hey!! Hey, p-please open the gate!! Open the gate!! I beg you, please let me in!!!" I say, crying while holding the iron bars of the gate. I just went out to try to get materials outside the castle.
I only took the risk because I wanted materials and didn’t want the maids mistreating me. Even though going out was dangerous, I thought I could go outside and collect wood from the nearby area. I was terrified that someone would kill me out here.
But luckily, there was no one, so I was able to collect some sticks and stones, which obviously wouldn’t cause me a problem, since the maids can’t complain about me taking something from outside the castle because it’s not theft.
However, as soon as I came running back to the gate with the sticks and little stones, the wicked guard refused to open it. I just dropped the wood and stones on the ground and tried to ask them to open it.
But they don’t open it, they just ignore me as if I wasn’t there, and I know that as it gets dark, this place will become even more dangerous, after all, the guards won’t go out to protect me in an emergency.
"P-Please, please l-let me in!! It’s getting late!!" I can’t go away, not only because if I stay out here I’ll die, I can’t go because my only friends are in my room, my puppets are there and I would never abandon them to try to find shelter out here.
"P-Please..." I fall to my knees, holding the bars with tears in my eyes, while the guards look at me briefly with a strange smile and then ignore me again.
I notice the sky closing, the rain quickly forming, which draws the attention of the guards, who soon move to the protected area of the rain that starts to fall.
A heavy rain starts, the sound of the raindrops easily filling the entire place and making my crying voice a mere noise even easier to ignore.
They move away, which they shouldn’t even do, since even though it’s raining, they need to continue guarding the gate. But just because I’m here, they ignore me, they’re willing to break this little rule just to see me desperate.
"H-Hick...let me in..." I think about what to do. Now that it’s raining and there’s no one around, this is the time when I’m at the greatest risk. I know there are evil demons who could kidnap me to do horrible things.
The maids have already threatened me, saying what’s out here. If I get kidnapped, they could steal my organs, kill me by torturing me for fun, sell me as a slave, or just do strange things to me.
’I-I need to go back, I need to go back!!’ I decide to try to climb. I hate this castle and the people who make me feel so much pain, but at least inside I can still continue to live.
I try to climb the gate with difficulty, the rain doesn’t help at all, in fact, it only makes it worse. It’s raining heavily, soaking my clothes with water, making me heavier.
"I-I need to get in..." I murmur with a face full of tears, my tears mixing with the rainwater as I try to climb, gripping the gate with all my strength.
My hands are injured from gripping so hard, the fear of being kidnapped and killed or even worse makes me fight desperately to get back in. Slowly, I climb up.
Until I reach the top, holding one of the spikes, which deeply cuts my hand, the blood making me almost slip down as I hold back a groan of pain. The physical pain increases my tears, but I desperately cling to the bars.
If I fall, I won’t be able to do it again...if I fall now, I feel like I’ll just give up on trying to fight. So I continue until I manage to climb on top of the gate, but with the hand injury, the smooth gate, and my weakness, I slip and fall inside, falling chest-first to the ground.
"Urgg..." I let out a painful groan as I feel my consciousness fading due to the impact with the ground. At least being in here, I know I’m minimally safe.
So I don’t resist the unconsciousness, knowing that they’ll just ignore me here on the ground, and when I wake up, I can go to my room, unfortunately without the materials I collected.
...
...
...
’Damn it...’ My hands clench with extreme force, my anger increasing, making me feel like I’m burning inside with so much rage, and Eve seems to notice this, making her give the guards a nasty look.
They did something terrible to Evelyn, and this injustice deeply enrages me. While I look at them with pure hatred in my eyes, the risk the original Evelyn took by going out there was enormous.
Really very bad things could have happened, they were not empty threats, because there are many perverted sick people who would love to buy a young and beautiful girl to do horrible and disgusting things.
And considering Evelyn’s lineage, there are many disgusting people who could buy her just for the "status" of owning someone from the royal family to do whatever they want.
"If you close this gate and don’t let me in like when I was 9 years old, you can be sure your heads won’t be connected to your bodies anymore," I threaten, a threat that only comes out as an automatic pilot as Eve behind me emits an assassin’s intent that makes the guards shiver.
I’m weak, I don’t have the power to intimidate, but Eve as my puppet carrying my vitality can, to a certain extent, convey what I want, and her gaze and aura convey my hatred well.
These filthy worms who made the original Evelyn suffer deserve to be punished, but I won’t do anything. There’s no point in taking revenge on everyone who did harm to Evelyn, then I’d have to take revenge on practically 70% to 80% of the castle’s people.
In my view, a child should never have to do this, beg to be let back in where they live, fearing that someone will kidnap them to do horrible things.
No child should have to climb a gate in the rain, injuring their hands in the process, just to try to live. Evelyn is a huge proof of resilience and mental strength.
Even suffering so much, she never completely gave up on her life. The original Evelyn never wanted to die, she just wanted to be loved and treated normally, and that’s what makes it all the more sad.
She never wanted to be treated as special, she just wanted to be treated like a normal person who doesn’t have to protect themselves so much from everything.
"Be careful, guards, or very bad things will happen to you," I say to the guards as I pass through the gate with Eve.
What I’m giving is not forgiveness or a second chance. Not doing anything against those who made the original Evelyn suffer is not mercy.
It’s the opposite, I want to rub success in their faces. Success is one of the sweetest forms of revenge against those who despise you and treat you as a failure.
That’s why, in addition to the cowardice of actually taking a life that I still have, it’s also a way to show in the future that they treated badly the one who would be their queen.
"Let’s go, Eve. Forget these trash, they’re not even worthy of contemplating my beauty," I say in an almost arrogantly as I hear the sound of the gate closing.